Joke #3612

''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''

Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.

You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.

What did the bee say to the flower? "Hi, honey."

This guy from up north just up and one day moved down south to start himself a farm. He came across this man and asked him where he could get a good donkey to pull a cart and plow. The man said I've got just what you need. Only thing is down here we don't call them donkeys we call them an ass. He said when this ass stops you'll have to get off the cart and slap them to get it going again. The northern man thanks him and heads on his way. He comes up to a man seeking chickens. He says to the man, I'd like to buy a rooster and a hen. The guy sai d sure thing but down here we don't call em roosters and hens. We call them a cock and a pullet. The man from up north says ok, thanks the man and is on his way. He going along in his cart when his donkey stops in the middle of the road. He remembers what the man said he had to do to get it going. Just then a lady is walking by. So he walks up to her and says, "excuse me miss, but will you hold my cock and pullet while I slap my ass."

When Chuck Norris gets angry, forests explode from their own boiling sap. When Chuck Norris laughs, flowers bloom and butterflies hatch.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

A man brings his cat to a veterinarian. He lives the cat there and returns in two days, as preagreed. He asks the veterinarian: Is my cat still alive? Still not...

A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer. ''Hi,'' he croaks. ''What's your name?'' The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?'' ''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.'' The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?'' The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.'' ''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Mick Jagger?'' ''Yeah, he's my dad.'' ''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?'' The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?'' The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.'' ''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.'' The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.'' The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''

Q:Why do ducks have webbed feet? A:To stamp out fires. Q:Why do elephants have flat feet? A:To stamp out burning ducks

In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.