''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.''
Q: What will a giraffe do, if you spit in its face? A: It will kick off your ladder…
What goes black white black white...? A penguin rolling down a hill! What's black and white and laughing? The penguin who pushed him!
When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I’m sorry,” The girl tells him. “We can’t allow animals in the cinema.” The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it’s head out and watch the film. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, “Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!” Agnes whispers back, “Oh, don’t worry about it… you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.” Madge says, “I KNOW…but this one’s eating my POPCORN!”
Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.
What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat? He had to get a new goat.
Q. What do frogs do with paper? A. Rip-it!
What do you get if you cross a cat with a gorilla? An animal that puts you out at night.
Q: What is the difference between a mouse and a dick? A: No difference. Both are searching a hole.
A man and a woman are lying in bed, watching the ceiling and keep quiet. What are they thinking? The woman thinks, "He keeps quiet. He doesn’t want to talk. May be he’s get tired of me. He doesn’t love me anymore. He’s probably got someone else. I see. We’ll have to separate each other." The man thinks, "A fly. A fly on the ceiling. Wow! How keep it there and don’t fall?"