What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full.
Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? A: Pick it up and suck it's dick.
How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party? When the cake jumps out of the girl!
Q: Why do farts smell? A: So deaf people can enjoy them, too.
Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison? A: "I feel like a kid again."
Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? A: Her ankles swell up when she farts.
What do you if you're trapped inside a whale? Run round and round till you're all pooped out!
A newlywed couple arrives in their sumptuous honeymoon suite, and it turns out they are both virgins. Brought up the old traditional way, neither of them really knows how to have sex. So after about half a painful hour of abortive attempts to get it on, an idea occurs to the husband. "OK, honey," he says, "this is what we'll do. I'll go into the closet and you go into the bathroom. We'll both get undressed and turn off the lights in the bedroom. And then on the count of three we'll both rush out at each other and then it will just happen in the middle of the bedroom." The wife is a bit unsure about this, but since she doesn't have any better ideas she agrees. So, the husband goes into the closet and the wife goes into the bathroom and they both get undressed. The anticipation is driving the husband mad and as he takes off his clothes he gets an enormous erection. The wife turns off the lights and on the count of three they both rush into the bedroom towards each other. But since the room is dark the husband gets disoriented and runs by his wife — right into the dresser. He hits the dresser so hard that he passes out from the pain. The next thing he remembers is coming to in a hosital bed, with a doctor looking down at him. His throbbing dick is still so painful that he moans to the doctor, "Doc, doc, how bad is it?" "That's nothing, son. Wait till you see your wife! We still haven't gotten her off the doorknob."
A redneck boy runs into his house and proclaims, "I've found the girl that I'm gonna marry! And she's a virgin!" Incensed, his father pounds his fist on the table. "There's no way you'll marry that girl! If she aint' good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
Q: Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?" A: It hasn't come out yet.