Joke #10651

How do snails get their shells all shiny? They use snail polish.
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal

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A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. “Are you hurt?” she asks. She replies, “Of course I’m hurt! He hasn’t called! He hasn’t written!”
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has 78.98 % from 159 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, hospital, love, women
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
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has 66.21 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, food, kids, ugly
Q: Why is the old, worn out horse named Flattery? A: Because it gets you nowhere.
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has 58.98 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: animal
A father notices his young son staring at something on the ground. The father approaches his son and asks what he's looking at. The boy says that he sees two daddy long legs on top of each other, and asks what they're doing. They father replies that the two spiders are having sex. It's a completely natural thing that a mommy and daddy do when they love each other. The son then asks if one is a daddy long leg and the other is a mommy long leg. The father says that they're both daddy long legs. The son stomps on them, killing them. The father asks why he did that. The boy replies "I don't want any of that faggot-ass shit in my yard."
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has 47.48 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, sex, vulgar
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal
What's a moo hoo for a cow barn on a holiday? A merry dairy.
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal, holiday
What's a skunk's philosophy of life? Eat, stink and be merry.
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: animal, life
Q.How do you catch a polar bear? A.You cut a hole in the ice and you put peas all round the edge and when the polar bear comes along and stops for a pea,you kick it in the ice hole.
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: Why can't you take a turkey to church? A: Because they use such FOWL language.
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has 45.29 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, church, communication
What do you get if you cross a longhorn with a knight? Sir Loin.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal