Joke #10651

How do snails get their shells all shiny? They use snail polish.
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has 47.37 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal

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A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he ot it. He told them to bug off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. “OK, follow me,” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. “Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked. “YES, YES, YES!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy. “Good!” said the first bat, “Because I fucking didn’t!”
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has 78.50 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: animal
Yo momma is so hairy when she lifts her armpit up it looks like she's got Bigfoot in a headlock.
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has 55.51 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, ugly, Yo mama
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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has 52.10 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, Chuck Norris, time
What kind of cows do you find in Alaska? Eski-moos.
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, geography
What do you get if you cross a cow with a spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cockerpoodlemoo.
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog
A man is trapped on a desert island with a sheep and a dog. After a few months, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the man. However, whenever he approaches the sheep the dog begins to growl in a threatening manner. The man takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him. The man ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck. By now, the man is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf. She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there's ANYTHING she could do for him. The man thinks for a moment and then responds: "Could you take the dog for a walk?"
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has 46.76 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, desert island, dog, time
"Why cant you play cards in the jungle?" "Because theres to many cheetahs."
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has 56.42 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: animal, game
What do you call it when one rabbit challenges another rabbit to hop across a forty-yard canyon? A hare dare.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal
How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.
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has 63.22 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, travel
How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.
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has 58.86 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: animal, elephant, marriage