Joke #10651

How do snails get their shells all shiny? They use snail polish.

Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station? Because it's a mane-lion station.

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?" The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite." The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. "Ouch!" He says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!" The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog!"

I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman… “Mr Cook?” “Yes,” I replied. “I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.” I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”

Why do cows like being told joke? Because they like being amoosed.

Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.

Exasperated dragon on the field of battle: "Mother said there would be knights like this."

Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a beaver.

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

What do you call a gay dinosaur?…… Mega-sore-ass.

Did you hear about the man with five keen senses? He still lacked common and horse!