How do snails get their shells all shiny?
They use snail polish.
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Q: What is a black cat's favorite color?
A: Purrrrrr-ple!
What do cows do for entertainment?
They go to the mooooovies.
What's a moo hoo for a cattle dinner?
Cow chow.
What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
Thistle have to do.
Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage.
Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry.
Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days.
Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below.
As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.
One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, "Where are we?"
The man yells back, "About a half mile from town."
Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist.
One flyer says to the other, "He must have been a lawyer."
The other says, "A lawyer! How do you know that?"
The first says, "That’s easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."
What do you call an ugly rabbit that sits on someone's forehead?
Unsightly facial hare.
What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain?
(A drizzly bear!)
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey?
Boobies.
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," He responded.
"Oh, killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?
He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."