How do snails get their shells all shiny?
They use snail polish.
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What's the difference between a tiger and a lion?
A tiger has the mane part missing.
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
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What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer.
The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
Yo' Mama is so fat, her Polo shirts come with real horses on the pocket.
Why didn't the teddy bear eat his lunch?
(Because he was stuffed!)
Curiosity didn't kill the cat.
Chuck Norris did.
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Chuck Norris likes his steaks still mooing.
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What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
They both like a tight seal.