What is the most important use for cowhide? To hold the cow together.
What's the best way to make a bull sweat? Put him in a tight jumper !
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, “Well, my pet chicken, of course!” “I’m sorry,” The girl tells him. “We can’t allow animals in the cinema.” The man goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so the chicken can stick it’s head out and watch the film. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Agnes and whispers, “Agnes, this man over here has just unzipped his trousers!” Agnes whispers back, “Oh, don’t worry about it… you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.” Madge says, “I KNOW…but this one’s eating my POPCORN!”
Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends? A: He plays with Pooh.
The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.
Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot.
Why did the gag-writer turn green? Cause the gag-writer was sick of writing frog jokes!
What do you get if you cross a steer and a chicken? Roost beef.
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. "I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
"Waiter, what is this hare doing in my salad?" "I believe he's eating your lettuce."
Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery.