Ted said to his friend, 'can you lend me $10?' 'But I only have $8,' his friend replied. That's OK, you can always owe me the other $2!
Patient to his doctor: "I have forgotten so many things lately, and it's getting worse. What can I do?" Doctor: "Yes, this is a known illness, unfortunately it has no cure. I'd also like to remind you about the 800 USD that you owe me?"
What’s the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives? Win the Lottery.
A man goes to a bar says, "Barman drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!" Comes the end of the night the man say...sorry man it seems i forgot my wallet. The barman kicks him in the guts and throws him out. The next day the man comes again, "Barman drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!" Comes the end of the night the man say...sorry man i don't have any money on me. The barman hits him in the face with bar stool brakes his leg and throws him out. The following day the man comes to the bar again, "Barman drinks on me for the owner and everybody else in here!" Barman says, "What am not getting a free drink tonight?" "Sorry man but you get violent when you drink."
Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket? Because two halves make a whole (hole), and you could lose your money.
Where do bees keep their money? In a honey box.
Yo' Mama is so poor, she rolls her own tampons.
I saw a tramp who was so broke he was standing on the corner shouting, ‘Will work for cardboard and a magic marker!’
Never borrow money from optimists – they always expect to get it back.
Q: Why did the programmer quit his job? A: Because he didn't get arrays.