Q: How can you tell the difference between a straight rodeo and a gay rodeo?
A: At a straight rodeo they yell "Ride them suckers!"
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So that there be less strife
May your dreams be sweet
And your ass does not tweet tonight.
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Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace.
She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!"
The wolf keeps grimacing.
She says, "My, what big eyes you have!"
The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth.
She says, "My, what big teeth you have!"
The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."
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Mom! I'm a 3D printer!
Oh come on, Tommy, close the door when you poop.
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Why should you only put 239 beans in bean soup?
Cuz one more will make it "too farty!"
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What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.
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Bob walks into a public bathroom and notices a guy with no arms standing next to a urinal.
As Bob takes care of his business, he wonders how the poor soul is going to take a leak.
Bob finishes and heads for the door, but figures he should ask the man if he needs help.
"Oh yes please!?" the man cries.
"You have a kind heart, sir," says the man with no arms.
But as Bob goes ahead, unzips the man, and pulls his willy out, he encounters all kinds of mold, red bumps, moles, scabs, scars, and other unpleasant-looking things.
The armless man asks Bob to kindly point it... then shake it, put it back and zip it.
So Bob, gathers his courage, shuts his eyes and does so.
"Thank you very much, sir!" says the armless man.
"No problem," says Bob "but what the hell is wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls pulls his arms out of his shirt and says "I don't know, but I ain't touching it!"
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A man jumps off a building at the same time that another man pisses.
Which hits the ground first?
The piss, because nobody beats the Wiz!
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Q: How do you know that a dead body found by the side of the road is a nurse?
A: Because its stomach is empty, its bladder is full, and its ass chewed!
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Q: What's the hardest thing about a sex change from a man to a woman?
A: Inserting the anchovies
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Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison?
A: "I feel like a kid again."
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