"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?"
"Shut up and eat your corn flakes."
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Two flies sit on a pile of poop.
One fly passes gas.
The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
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A demon died and was asked by god what he wanted to become in his next life.
The demon said "I wish to become good in my next life. I want to be as pure and white as an angel and also have angel wings... But I still want to drink blood."
So god turned him into a maxi pad.
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If you have a grief nobody feels,
If you have a pain nobody feels.
If your heart is broken nobody feels,
but if you fart all will understand.
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Two men work in a mortuary.
One says to another, "You should see that woman they brought in today.
She'd been in the water for a week.
Her clit was like a pickle."
"Ew!" says the other fellow.
"It was green?"
"No, it was sour!"
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Three flies in a trashcan get trapped overnight in a bathroom.
The first fly goes to the sink, the second fly stays in the tub, and the third fly chooses the toilet.
The next morning, all the exhausted flies gather back in the garbage can.
The first fly says, "I'm exhausted! I almost got washed down the drain."
The second fly says, "I almost got squashed by feet in the shower!"
The third fly says, "The toilet was fine until it suddenly got dark.
First, I heard thunder, then it started to rain, and if it weren't for that big brown log, I surely would have drowned."
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If you think you have shitty job, what if you were toilet paper!
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Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef?
A: Anyone can roast beef.
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What's worse than 11 dead babies stapled to a tree?
1 dead baby stapled to 11 trees.
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Little Johnny: "I've piss may I go out?"
Teacher : "Piss is an impolite word instead you say I've number 1."
Jimmy: "May I go out? I want to shit."
Teacher: "Shit is also a bad word it is better to use number 2 instead."
Ronald: "There is a wind in my belly give me please a number for it."
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Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison?
A: "I feel like a kid again."
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