"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?"
"Shut up and eat your corn flakes."
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Similar jokes
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What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby?
Threesomes.
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Yo mama's lips are so big when you smile you wet your hair.
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A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye.
He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.
Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over.
The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's arse was that eye staring right back at him.
"You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."
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What's green and sits in the corner?
That same baby three weeks later.
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Q: What's red, sits in front of a mirror, and gets smaller and smaller?
A: A vain idiot combing his hair with a potato peeler.
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Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet?
A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.
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"Doctor, I have a problem..."
"What’s your problem?"
"I pee in my sleep, every night!"
"Why?"
"Oh, well... Every night, a little devil visits me in my sleep and asks me; “Did we pee today?”.
"And, that’s it? The solution is so simple.. Listen to me! If the little devil comes again you’re gonna answer; 'Yeah, dude, I did!'"
"And that will cut it off?"
"Sure! Like a knife!"
At night, the little devil showed up on the patient’s dream and whispered;
"Did we pee today?"
"Yeah, dude, I did!" said angry the guy.
And little devil replied: "What about poop?"
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Q: How do you know that a dead body found by the side of the road is a nurse?
A: Because its stomach is empty, its bladder is full, and its ass chewed!
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A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender if he knows a man named Two Guns Gonzales.
The bartender says no but he tells him that the man in the back named No Guns knows him.
So the guy walks to the back of the bar and asks the man if he knows a guy named Two Guns Gonzales.
The man says, "Let me tell you a story...
One day about a week ago, I was riding into town on my horse and this large man with two guns comes riding up to me and says, "Get off your horse."
Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I get off my horse.
Then he says, "Now drop your pants."
Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do?
I take off my pants.
Then he says, "Now s**t."
Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do?
I s**t.
Then he says, "Now eat it."
Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I eat it.
Now, Two Guns is laughing so hard, he drops his guns!
I grab them!
Now I say, "Drop your pants."
Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do?
He drops his pants.
Then I say, "Now s**t."
Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do?
He s**ts.
Then I say, "Now eat it."
Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do?
He eats it.
So when you ask me if I know a man named Two Guns Gonzales, the answer is yes: I had lunch with him last week."
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Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
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