"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?" "Shut up and eat your corn flakes."
Silence is golden. Unless you have an infant. Then its probably blue.
What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits your windshield? It's ass.
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes? A: The guy who gave it to him.
Two old ladies are at the movies. "Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off." "What makes you say that?" "He's using my hand."
What's green and sits in the corner? That same baby three weeks later.
What did the tampon say to the other tampon in school? I'll see you next period.
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.
I see, said the blind man, peeing into the wind. It's all coming back to me now.
Knock knock. Who's there? Urine. Urine who? Urine trouble if you don't open the door.
What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon? "Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"