A man goes into a psychiatric hospital to visit one of his buddies.
As he is walking out he notices a guy pretending to be swinging a hockey stick.
Curious, he asks: "What are you doing?"
The guy replies: "I'm Wayne Gretzky, and I'm practicing my shot."
Satisfied with the answer the visitor moves on down the hall.
He notices another guy pretending to be playing golf.
Curious, he asks: "What are you doing?"
The guy replies: "I'm Tiger woods and I'm practicing my golf."
Satisfied with this response the visitor again moves on down the hall.
He then sees another guy sitting in a chair in the nude with a jar of peanuts beside him.
This guy takes a peanut, places it on his dick, waits a minute, then flicks into his mouth.
Again, curious he asks: "What are you doing?"
The guy replies: "I'M FUCKING NUTS!"
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What's grosser than gross?
Ten babies in one mail box.
What's grosser than that?
One baby in ten mailboxes.
What's grosser than that?
Biting into a pickle and finding a vein.
What's grosser than that?
A cheerleader doing a split and sticking to the floor.
What's grosser than that?
A girl thinking she has crabs only to find it's fruit flies because her cherry rotted.
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A redneck family shares one vehicle, the daughter asks her dad for the truck.
The father says "okay, you know what to do."
Then continues to lower his pants, the daughter says "daddy why's there shit on your dick."
The father then replies "ohhhh, that's right honey, your brother has the truck."
Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace.
She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!"
The wolf keeps grimacing.
She says, "My, what big eyes you have!"
The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth.
She says, "My, what big teeth you have!"
The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."
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Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party?
They gave him the cold shoulder!
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One roomate said to another, “Man, this morning I woke up with white crud around my mouth!”
The other roomate said, “Oh, that's my fault, I guess I missed!”
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What has 4 legs and one arm?
A Doberman in a children’s playground!
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What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
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What did Obi Wan say when Luke was constipated?
"Use the F-O-R-C-E Luke!"
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A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was down stairs and heard this blood curdling scream.
She ran upstairs.
Once she got there she saw blood all over the bathtub.
"What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
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How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
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