Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
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How do you prevent a Lawyer from drowning?
Shoot him before he hits the water!
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.
“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.
I’ve been trying to do that for years!”
A paralegal, an associate, and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you one."
"Me first!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with Tom Cruise."
Poof! She's gone.
"Me next!" says the associate. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other."
Poof! He's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the partner.
The partner says: "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
Q: Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats?
A: They don't become so attached to the lawyers.
What’s the difference between two lawyers in a Porsche and a porcupine?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night.
“Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.”
“Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!”
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a spermatozoid?
Only one from 30.000 gets a man.
Terrorists have hijacked a planeload of lawyers bound for a legal convention.
They’ve threatened to start releasing the lawyers one by one until their demands are met.