There was a statistician that drowned crossing a river... It was 3 feet deep on average.
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A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old.
One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband.
It says: "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me."
He returns home late that night to find a note from his wife: "You, my dear, are also 60 years old and there are also things I need that you're not giving me. So, I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 20-year-old students. Being a math professor, I'm sure you know that 20 goes into 60 way more than 60 goes into 20. So, don't YOU wait up for ME."
Old mathematicians never die - they just lose some of their functions.
Yo mammas so fat they had to make a new number.
If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left?
A million dollars minus 75 cents.
Zenophobia: the irrational fear of convergent sequences.
Chuck Norris drew a triangle with four sides.
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Three statisticians go out hunting together.
After a while they spot a solitary rabbit.
The first statistician takes aim and overshoots.
The second aims and undershoots.
The third shouts out "We got him!"
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
I used to think maths was useless, but then one day I realised that decimals had a point.