There was a statistician that drowned crossing a river... It was 3 feet deep on average.
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Infinity mathematicians came to bar.
First one ordered 1 glass of beer, second a half, third a quarter...
The barman interrupted them: "Assholes, here are 2 beers!"
Son: Dad, it's so cold in here!
Father: Go stand in the corner.
Son: Why?
Father: The corner is 90 degrees.
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.
His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ?
The logician replies: "yes".
"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague.
"Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."
Q: How do mathematicians induce good behavior in their children?
A: "If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times..."
An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon.
After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions.
They yell to a jogger, "Hey, can you tell us where we're at?"
After a few moments the jogger responds, "You're in a hot-air balloon."
The engineer says, "You must be a mathematician."
The jogger, shocked, responds, "yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?"
"Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless."
Q: You know that awesome feeling, when you finally understand math?
A: Me neither.
How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred?
On the fingers!
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What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.
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