There was a statistician that drowned crossing a river... It was 3 feet deep on average.
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Zenophobia: the irrational fear of convergent sequences.
What happened to the plant in math class?
It grew square roots.
One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch:
"My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
A soccer coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said: "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there.
So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks: "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then he answered: "I think... no... yes... I’m not sure... what about 4?"
"Did you say 4?" the smiled coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming: "Come on coach, give him another chance!"
Two statisticians go bird hunting.
The first one fires at the bird but overshoots by 5 feet.
The second one fires and undershoots the bird by 5 feet.
They both give each other a high-five and say "Got it!"
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: On average or do you want the whole distribution?
A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.