Joke #4726

Why was the math textbook so sad? He had a lot of problems!

Little Johnny was heard by his mother reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch!" Johnny shouted his mother "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use the swearwords." But, Mom, replied the boy, "That's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it." Next day Johnny's mother went right into the classroom to complain. "Oh, heavens" said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four."

Chuck Norris doesn't solve math - math solves Chuck Norris.

The bartender asks: "Would all three of you like some beer?" The first one replies, "I don't know." The second one replies, "I don't know either." The third replies, "Yes."

Chuck Norris drew a triangle with four sides.

Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.

A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old. One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband. It says: "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me." He returns home late that night to find a note from his wife: "You, my dear, are also 60 years old and there are also things I need that you're not giving me. So, I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 20-year-old students. Being a math professor, I'm sure you know that 20 goes into 60 way more than 60 goes into 20. So, don't YOU wait up for ME."

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: On average or do you want the whole distribution?

Yo momma is so stupid when they asked her 1+1 she said "Ouch! it is a long story."

How does a cow do math? With a cowculator.

A statistician's wife had twins. He was delighted. He rang the minister who was also delighted. "Bring them to church on Sunday and we'll baptize them," said the minister. "No," replied the statistician. "Baptize one. We'll keep the other as a control."