Joke #1835

What do you call Satan and a lawyer? Twins!
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has 16.16 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in, waving guns and yelling for everyone to freeze. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables. While this is going on, one of the lawyers jams something into the other lawyer's hand. Without looking down, the second lawyer whispers: "What is this?" The first lawyer replies: "It's the $100 I owe you."
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has 52.49 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck. Some time went by, and the case got to court. The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?" The man replied. "Well sir, it was like this. We was driving down the road, minding our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pulling up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was most dead, so he shot them. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him." Then he came over to me and he said, "How you feeling?" I said, "I never felt better in my life."
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has 68.97 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, lawyer, life
What’s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? The hooker will stop screwing you when you’re dead.
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has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage. Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry. Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days. Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below. As they descend, they see a man walking his dog. One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, "Where are we?" The man yells back, "About a half mile from town." Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist. One flyer says to the other, "He must have been a lawyer." The other says, "A lawyer! How do you know that?" The first says, "That’s easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."
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has 77.23 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, lawyer, travel
Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing? Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.
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has 40.95 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
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has 26.98 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer's car stalled on the side of the freeway. As he was getting out to see what was the matter, a reckless driver swerved taking off the whole car door and knocking the lawyer to the ground. A passing police car pulled over. As the policeman got out he heard the lawyer shouting, 'my mercedes, my brand new mercedes!" As the policeman approached he was shocked to notice the lawyer's right arm missing. ''Do you realize your arm is gone?'' asked the policeman? The lawyer, stunned, began to scream, "My rolex, my brand new rolex!"
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What do you get when you cross a Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand.
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has 42.25 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, lawyer
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly!
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer