Joke #1835

What do you call Satan and a lawyer? Twins!
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has 12.72 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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How do you prevent a Lawyer from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water!
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How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? Never enough.
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A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says, ‘Congratulations!’ ‘Congratulations for what?’ asks the lawyer. ‘We’re celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old.’ ‘But that’s not true,’ says the lawyer. ‘I only lived to be forty.’ ‘That’s impossible,’ replies Saint Peter. ‘We’ve added up your time sheets.’
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer, a priest, and a young boy were in a plane that was going to crash, yet they only had 2 parachutes. The lawyer proclaimed that since he was the smartest man on the plane, that he deserved to survive. He took a chute and jumped. The priest looks and the young boy, and reflecting back on his life, told the young boy to take the last parachute since he had already lived a wonderful and full life. The boy replied, "You can have the other chute because the smartest man on this plane just jumped out with my bookbag!"
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has 84.62 % from 330 votes. More jokes about: kids, lawyer, priest
Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress? A: No fee–If No Recovery!
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker? A: Yes sir.
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has 10.08 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange"!
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks? A: Professional courtesy.
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has 72.80 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, lawyer, work
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A man walked into a lawyer's office. "How much does your advice cost?" he asked the lawyer. "Fifty dollars for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "And what was your third question?"
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money