What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny?
He keeps coming and coming and coming...
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A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night.
All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out.
"Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber ignored it, and takes the TV.
Again, the parrot cries out.
"Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber started to get a little worried.
"What's your name, birdie?"
"Moses."
"What dumbass named you Moses?"
"The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."
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Someone figured out my password.
Now I have to rename my dog.
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First Caribou: Which bug does amazing motor cycle stunts?
Second Caribou: Evel Boll Weevil.
Q. What do frogs do with paper?
A. Rip-it!
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What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around?
Dead Siri-ous.
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Yo mamma so stupid she puts a piece of paper on the TV and says, "I'm watching paper-view."
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Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses?
A: Because they don't C#.
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Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.