Joke #1877

What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny? He keeps coming and coming and coming...

A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dumbass named you Moses?" "The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."

Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.

Chuck Norris gave Black Ops a thumbs up and people at Microsoft a roundhouse kick in the face. Suck it Microsoft.

One day there was a tortoise walking on the road. Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race. The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race. The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge. It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line. So the tortoise is still the champion of the race. So remember this you snooze you loose!

What kind of cows do you find in Alaska? Eski-moos.

I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman… “Mr Cook?” “Yes,” I replied. “I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.” I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”

How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins.

Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb? A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.

A big party is being held to honor relational database systems and their impact on modern society. Outside the venue, the host awaits the guests. The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people. Host: Who have you brought along? Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me, and the other to justify the cost. A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people. Host: Who have you bought along? DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialists, and 36 consultants. A third limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own. Host: Why haven't you brought anyone? SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring the #sqlhelp Twitter hashtag for when the excrement hits the fan. 20 minutes later, up rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess. Host: Where have you been MySQL? MySQL: Sorry, I thought it was February 31st.

What would you hear at a cow concert? Moo-sic!