What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny?
He keeps coming and coming and coming...
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A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night.
All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out.
"Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber ignored it, and takes the TV.
Again, the parrot cries out.
"Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber started to get a little worried.
"What's your name, birdie?"
"Moses."
"What dumbass named you Moses?"
"The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."
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Someone figured out my password.
Now I have to rename my dog.
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How does a leopard change its spots?
When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another.
Yo mama so stupid that when you told her the mouse on her computer was broken she took it to the vet.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?
A stripey sweater.
When our air conditioner broke down, we called for a serviceman to come and take a look at it.
It turned out to be a high school classmate of my husband's named Love.
He said next time we needed any repairs to ask for him.
The next year when we needed service again, we requested Mr. Love.
I took the day off from work and waited for him to arrive.
After he had worked on our air conditioner, he left his work order behind.
It had my name and said: "Wants Love in afternoon."
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Q: What do you call a terrorist attack in the Middle East?
A: A Selfie!
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Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone.
His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.
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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Owls say.
Owls say who?
Yep, that they do.
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yo momas so stupid when theives broke into her house and stole the TV she chased after them shouting ''wait you forgot the remote''.
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