What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny?
He keeps coming and coming and coming...
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A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night.
All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out.
"Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber ignored it, and takes the TV.
Again, the parrot cries out.
"Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber started to get a little worried.
"What's your name, birdie?"
"Moses."
"What dumbass named you Moses?"
"The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."
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Someone figured out my password.
Now I have to rename my dog.
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A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls.
He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."
What hair style is a calf's favorite?
The cowlick.
Q: How do you electrocute a blonde?
A: Tell her to demonstrate the proper usage of an electric chair.
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On Unix, I always hide all of my personal files in the /bin/laden directory.
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Q: If your wife is shouting at the front door and your dog is barking at the back door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up after you let him in.
That recent tsunami was caused when Chuck Norris dropped a pebble into the ocean.
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Your mom so dumb she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.
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Chuck Norris has no need for a TV remote.
He stares at his television, until it changes the channel.
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