Joke #1884

Q: How many lawyers does it take to build a wall? A: Depends on how deep you stack them.
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce." "Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house." The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that! What's the big deal about a two-story house?" The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is...**I have a headache** and the other story is **It's that time of the month!** "
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. Q: And his son? A: Bill.
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has 73.48 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, lawyer, money
Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?  "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: bar, blonde, disgusting, lawyer
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? Insufficient sand.
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Why was the man sued by his horse? For palomino-money!
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer, money
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a doctor!" Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!" Little Johnny stood up and said, "My dad is a piano player in a whorehouse!" The teacher couldn't believe what she's had just heard, so she made a point of calling Little Johnny's father that evening to discuss the situation. Little Johnny's father explained, "Actually, I'm a law attorney, but how am I supposed to explain that to a seven year old kid!"
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has 62.14 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, school, student, teacher
A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?" "Guilty", said the man in the dock. At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise. The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"? "Guilty", said the man in the dock. Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!! At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?" He replied "He is my next door neighbor". The Judge replied, "I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments". The man replied "NO, your Honor, you don't understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn't have one"!!!
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers? New Jersey got to pick first.
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer