Joke #1884

Q: How many lawyers does it take to build a wall? A: Depends on how deep you stack them.

What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? Insufficient sand.

Not all the warrants, can be called milky cows, says a lawyer to a colleague of his, some of them are like the mice in the church. Got for as lawyers that we know how to milk the mice...

Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.? A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.

How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water.

Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers? New Jersey got to pick first.

A man was summoned to court for punching his lawyer. During the process, the Judge asked him to explain his actions. "Your Honor," replied the defendant, "that man represented me in a bitter divorce. One day he said my property settlement hearing was about to be held. The judge would decide that afternoon what I would get, and what Rose would get. My lawyer told me I didn't have to be present and "not to worry." "I can't see why you'd punch a man for that," interrupted the judge. "Wait, there's more... When I asked my attorney later about the settlement, he told me to look on the bright side. I asked why. Then he said, "Because everything's coming up Rose's." "THAT'S when I hit him!"

Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter. The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!” The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face. “What happened?” asked the waiting car occupant. The other partner announced, “They were twins and mine died!”

Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.

Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

A reporter outside of a courtroom asked a defendant clad only in a barrel: “Oh, I see your attorney lost the case!” The defendant answered, “No, we won.”