Joke #3900

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One’s a scum-sucking bottom dweller, the other’s a fish!

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner: "Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?" "No." "So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?" "Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."

Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"

30 degrees... It was so cold out today that even the lawyers had their hands in their own pockets.

Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop? A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers

Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?” St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and a drunk are in a bar when they spot a hundred pounds on the floor. Who gets it? The drunk – the other three are mythological creatures.

Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. "How's it going?", someone asked. "Oh, not too bad", said Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."

How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Take your foot off his head.

Not all the warrants, can be called milky cows, says a lawyer to a colleague of his, some of them are like the mice in the church. Got for as lawyers that we know how to milk the mice...