How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they can't change a thing.
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Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
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Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Depends on how clumsy you are.
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A: What does "IDK" mean?
B: I don't know.
A: Ugh! Nobody does!
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted
to him and during her questions about his life she asked him
how he managed for sex.
"What's that?" he asked.
She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a
hole in the trunk of a tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong. I'll
show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothes,
laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide.
"Here," she
said, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her
an almighty kick, right in the crotch.
Jane rolled around in agony.
Eventually she managed to gasp,
"What the hell did you do that for?"
"Checking for bees!" said Tarzan.
What did the light bulb say to the switch?
You turn me on.
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Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife?
A: Meet Patty.
If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil.
If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
A student was lucky to find a decent accommodation with a cheap rent. His colleagues came to visit him and he was showing them the house.
"This is the kitchen. This is the bedroom. And this one is the living room ... "
"And what are this hammer and this pot that are hanging on the wall for? What are you going to do with them?" one of his colleagues asked.
"This is a talking clock."
"I have never seen a clock like that. Can you show me how it works?"
"Sure. Look," the student said.
He took the hammer and struck at the pot with all his strength. Then a voice was heard from the other side,
"What you are doing? Are you crazy? It is half past one in the night, you idiot!"
Patient: "Doctor, I can’t sleep."
Doctor: "Lie at of edge of your bed and you will sleep off."
Q: How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape the job so fundamentalists won't claim that god did it.
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