Joke #213

How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change a thing.

Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? A: You can unscrew a light bulb.

Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Depends on how clumsy you are.

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but millions volunteered to get rid of anything dark

How many lawyers dose it take to change a light bulb? 3, 1 to climb the ladder, 1 to shake it, and 1 to sue the ladder company.

Scientists invented a machine to catch thieves. In 30 minutes in Canada the machine caught 10 thieves, in 15 minutes in the U.S the machine caught 5 thieves, in 3 minutes in Trinidad thieves stole the machine.

Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: You wouldn't know, it's kind of an obscure number.

My blonde girlfriend went to the doctors this morning and was told she had two weeks to live. She chose last week and this week.

Q:How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A:None, the sockets go with the house.