How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change a thing.
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? A: You can unscrew a light bulb.
Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Depends on how clumsy you are.
Q: How many Asian girls does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, 'cause they couldn't reach it.
Q: How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? A: Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.
The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, ‘I’ve got some bad news. You have cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.’ The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. ‘Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t well. I have cancer. So, let’s head to the club and have a martini.’ After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman’s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, ‘I’ve been diagnosed with AIDS.’ The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat. After the friends left, the woman’s daughter leaned over and whispered, ‘Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??’ ‘Because I don’t want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I’m gone.’.
Nothing beats a woman with a beautiful singing voice. Except for Chris Brown.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Dude, the light bulb was cooler before it changed.
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.