Joke #2158

Why won't sharks attack lawyers? "Professional courtesy."
Vote: has 54.26 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A man came storming out of the courthouse ranting and raving; obviously really angry. He stomped accross the street and into the bar and flounced down on a stool muttering, “Asshole attorneys”. The man next to him recoiled in outrage saying “I want you to know I highly resent that remark”. “Why, are you an attorney?” “No, I’m an asshole.”
Vote: has 79.75 % from 47 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: lawyer
A guy was talking with his friend: I’ve managed to separate from my wife in common agreement: she gets the house and I get the car and desk. Ok, but how about your finances? The lawyer takes care of those...
Vote: has 21.85 % from 9 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, lawyer, money, wife
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea. The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no. The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"
Vote: has 73.31 % from 49 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, husband, lawyer, sex
An accountant and a lawyer were laying on a beach in Hawaii sipping mai tai's. The lawyer started telling the accountant how he came to be there. "I had this downtown property in Memphis that caught fire and after the insurance paid off, I came here." The accountant said, "I had a downtown property, too, in Miami. It got flooded so here I am with the insurance proceeds." The lawyer took another sip of his mai tai, and then asked in a puzzled voice, "How do you start a flood?"
Vote: has 77.03 % from 41 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, geography, lawyer
If a lawyer and a tax official were both drowning and you could only save one of them, what would you do; go to lunch or read the paper?
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: lawyer
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!” The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
Vote: has 77.03 % from 41 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, lawyer
What do you call ten lawyers buried up to their necks in the sand? Football practice.
Vote: has 26.98 % from 10 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: lawyer
Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers? A: Because after they die, they lie still.
Vote: has 74.97 % from 21 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, death, lawyer, life
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.  The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Vote: has 86.09 % from 1434 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, husband, lawyer, marriage, prison
What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial? Odour in court.
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, lawyer