Why won't sharks attack lawyers? "Professional courtesy."
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket.
Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex? To prevent clients from being billed twice for the same service.
Q:How can you tell the difference between an attorney lying dead in the road and a coyote lying dead in the road? A:With the coyote, you usually see skid marks.
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which side to spit
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
"I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money." "Why do you say that?" "Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25'."
A lawyer, an engineer and a mathematician were called in for a test. The engineer went in first and was asked, "What is 2+2?" The engineer thought awhile and finally answered, "4." Then the mathemetician was called in and was asked the same question. With little thought he replied, "4.0" Then the lawyer was called in, and was asked the same question. The lawyer answered even quicker than the mathematician, "What do you want it to be?"
Why God did made the snake before lawyers? To exercise.
Q: What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw? A: Outlaws are wanted.