Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music? "Because he broke the record."
Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music? Matthew: Why? Peter: Because he broke the record!
Q: How do you wake up Lady gaga? A: Poke her face.
Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.
A psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving give an oral quiz to the freshman class. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist? A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
A black family of four, hears about a magical river that can turn them white if they swim across so they go and the dad and mom swim across, and they come out white, the daughter jumps in and swims across and she turn white, so the son trys to swim but the current takes him and the little girl goes up to dad and says, "Daddy, daddy, Philip just got taken by the current" and the dad says, "Oh, forget that nigga."
I unfollowed Taylor Swift on Twitter... I'm sure she's gonna write a song about it.
Where's the safest place to be when a bunch of white guys are playing basketball? Under the Hoop
Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? A: She will "let it go let it go".