Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music? "Because he broke the record."
Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music? Matthew: Why? Peter: Because he broke the record!
I watched Justin Bieber get shot in CSI and my brother asked "Why are you crying?" I said "Because he didn't die in real life"
Did you hear John McEnroe went for an audition for the latest Harry Potter film? They turned him down, saying "You cannot be Sirius!"
Yo' mama so fat, people exercise by doing laps 'round her!
Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? A: She will "let it go let it go".
I think that it is better to give that to get. You have a very generous thinking. Are you a humanitarian? No, I’m a boxer.
In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog. They were astonished and said: "What a clever dog!" But the man protested and replied: "No, no, he isn't that clever. I'm leading by three games to one!"
Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogey in it!
A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porn film and it was due out in a month. A month later, the musician went to a porn theatre to see the adult movie. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row of the adult cinema, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise. The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M, bondage and even a dog. After a while watching the adult movie, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music." "Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench? The NBA