Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music?
"Because he broke the record."
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Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music?
Matthew: Why?
Peter: Because he broke the record!
Chuck Norris won a guitar battle with a violin.
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Motley Crue released a new song called "Roundhouse Kickstart My Heart" dedicated to Chuck Norris.
It will be number one in the top 40 forever.
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Chuck Norris can make a rap video without booties and cars.
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Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.
A guy about to tee off was approached by a man who held out a card that read, "I am a deaf mute.
May I please play through?"
The first man gave the card back, angrily shaking his head, and saying, "No, you CANNOT play through."
He assumed the guy read lips so he mouthed, "I can't believe you would try to use your handicap to your own advantage like that! Shame on you!"
The deaf man walked away and the first man whacked the ball onto the green and then walked off to finish the hole.
Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with a golf ball that knocked him out cold.
When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other hand holding up four fingers.
What did the trampolinist say?
‘Life has its ups and downs, but I always bounce back.’
Tennis
Yo Momma's so stupid that she burned down the house with a CD burner.
There's a double Decker bus driving down the street full of passengers, blonde and brunette.
On the lower level of the bus, the brunettes are having a good time, talking, laughing, and singing along to the music playing.
On the upper part of the bus, the blondes are seated... they're in a panic.
They're screaming, terrified, and holding onto each other as the bus moves along the street.
Finally, a brunette gets up and walks to the top of the bus to ask what's wrong, and one of the blonde's replies, "what's wrong?!? Well, you'd be screaming too if you didn't have a driver!!!"
How do you know if Dr. Dre has a high sperm count?
Eminem has to chew before swallowing.
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