Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music?
"Because he broke the record."
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Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music?
Matthew: Why?
Peter: Because he broke the record!
A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
A: Elfis!
Justin Bieber puked on stage.
That settles it, she's pregnant.
What you call a wrecking ball, Chuck Norris calls a punching bag.
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After Chuck Norris created Jazz he decided to do a bit of scat, today we refer to his song as the alphabet.
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An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hooker.
The whole night, this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!"
He can't quite remember what the word means, but he's sure he's pleased the hooker to best of his ability. The next morning, he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner when he makes a hole-in-one.
Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and he can't think anything to say but "HOSHIMOTA!"
Concerned, his partner turns to him
"What do you mean it's in the wrong hole?"
A guy walks into a tavern.
As he walked up to the bar he noticed a twelve-inch man playing the piano, so he asked the bartender, "What's that all about?"
The bartender told him he that would tell him later.
So the guy asked the bartender for a drink.
The bartender said, "Before you get your drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make one wish."
"Okay," said the guy.
He went over to the magic beer bottle and rubbed it.
Poof.
Out came a genie.
The genie, of course, said, "You have one wish."
The guy thought about it and then wished for a million bucks.
A cloud of smoke filled the room, and then both the genie and the guy disappeared.
In a few minutes, the guy reappeared back in the bar with a million ducks all around him.
The guy was astounded and said to the bartender, "Hey! I didn't want a million ducks."
The bartender replied, "Do you think I wanted a twelve-inch Pianist?"
Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married?
A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.