Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music?
"Because he broke the record."
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Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music?
Matthew: Why?
Peter: Because he broke the record!
They presented him with a cup when he was a boxer.
It was to keep his teeth in.
Bob had been listening to his wife practicing her singing.
"Honey," he said, "I wish you'd sing the songs about Women's Day."
"That's nice of you, Bob," she said. "Why?"
"Then I'd only have to hear you once a year!"
Q: What do you get if you cross a fridge and a hipster playlist?
A: Cool music!
Q. Why did Michael Jackson call Boys II Men?
A. He thought it was a home delivery service.
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Paddy asks Murphy, 'Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards?"
Murphy replies, "If they fell forwards they'd still be on the f*cking boat!"
I’ve got nothing against watching a darts match.
I just wish my IQ were low enough to enjoy it.
My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing.
But I mean, 41 years, still alive.
I kinda got it.
Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?
A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!