Joke #2198

Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music? "Because he broke the record."

Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music? Matthew: Why? Peter: Because he broke the record!

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."

Egotistical Harry was always reminding people that he played semi-pro baseball. "I was the James Bond type of player," he told his friends. "I had all sorts of tricks to confuse the opposition." "Batted .007," his wife added.

A college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training? A: Studying their Miranda Rights.

Q: What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical? A: Fiddler on the hoof.

Chuck Norris once bowled a 300... Without a ball... He wasn't even in a bowling ally.

Chuck Norris once stood on a bridge in London. Then they wrote a song about it.

What do the spice girls and a pack of M+Ms have in common? There are assorted colors, but they all taste the same.

I’ve got nothing against watching a darts match. I just wish my IQ were low enough to enjoy it.