Q: What do the World Series and bears on birth control have in common?
A: No Cubs
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Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
A woman is learning how to golf.
She has been teaching herself to play for more than three months and she is really bad.
She decides to consult a golf pro.
When she sees the golf pro, she explains how bad she is and he tells her to go ahead and hit the ball.
She does.
The ball goes about 50 yards into the brush slicing to the right.
The golf pro says to the woman, "I can see that you have a lot of problems. Your stance is bad, your head is all over the place, and the worst thing is that grip."
When she asks what can be done to fix the situation, he suggests, "Grab the club gently, as if you were grabbing your husband's "club".
When the feeling is right, go ahead and swing.
"She does just that and the ball goes off the tee perfectly straight for about 275 yards."
The golf pro says to the woman, "That is unbelievable, I didn't think you would do that well. But now on to your next problem. How are we going to get that golf club out of your mouth?"
When Chuck Norris plays dodge ball... the balls dodge him.
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Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style?
A: That way they can both watch wrestling.
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "I don't think you can keep your head down that long."
Played a round of golf with the local course pro for some helpful tips.
After playing the first hole I turned to him for some advice and all he said was "loft".
So after the next 4 holes I asked him again and all he said was "loft"
Now we're done with the round and I asked him why after each hole all he would ever tell me was "loft"?
To which the pro relies "loft" - "Lack Of F*cking Talent"
Using only a black king, Chuck Norris defeated the world-champion grand-master in chess.
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The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
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What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
Spring time.