What hair style is a calf's favorite? The cowlick.
How do you go about hiring a horse? Try two pairs of stilts!
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
What do you call a man with a rabbit up his jumper? Warren.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
What does the fox say? Whatever the hell Chuck Norris tells him to.
A husband and wife are eating soup. The wife spills soup all over her and says: "Oh no, I look like a pig" "Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common? A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
Three mice in a pub having a bevy discussing who's the hardest. 1st mouse says I'm the hardest I go up to mousetraps rip the cheese out and as the bar comes down i bench press it 30 times and throw it across the room! 2nd mouse says : you poof! I get rat poison' crush it into powder and snort it. 3rd mouse finishes his drink, gets up and walks to the door, where are you going? asked the other 2. Home he replied to shag the cat!
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?" Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."