What hair style is a calf's favorite?
The cowlick.
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If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.
When is the best time to fake an orgasm?
When a rottweiler is humping your leg.
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read: "Purebred Police Dog $25."
Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.
The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, "How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?"
"Don't let his looks deceive you, ma'am," the man replied, "He's in the Secret Service."
What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office?
An encownter group.
A young man named Joe bought a horse from a farmer for £250.
The farmer agreed to deliver the horse within the next few days.
A couple of days later, the farmer drove up to Joe's house and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died."
Joe replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I've spent it already."
Joe said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with it?"
Joe said, "I'm going to raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't flog a dead horse!"
Joe said, "Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month Later, the farmer met up with Joe and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?"
Joe said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at £5 a piece and made a profit of £2495."
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Joe said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his £5 back."
Chuck Norris doesn’t ride a horse, he uses his crotch to carry it.
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Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: Because they live in schools.
What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat?
He had to get a new goat.
Q: What does a cow make when the sun comes out?
A: A shadow.