What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad!
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Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes?
In a pellet court!
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.
How did the farmer find his lost cow?
He tractor down.
What kind of car does a rabbit drive?
A furrari.
The last time Chuck Norris was hungry, all the dinosaurs suddenly got extinct...
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A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed.
After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains.
He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there.
"Who the hell are you?" he yells.
The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector."
"Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?"
He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"
My tomcat used to stay out all night, so I took him to the vet and had him neutered.
Now he still stays out all night – it turns out he likes to watch!
I was hiking once with my girlfriend.
Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad.
We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me.
One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took.
I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
Why did the dolphin feel crabby?
Because he ate too many crabs.
Jim and Lena were driving around the countryside when they ran over a skunk.
"We better take the skunk to the vet, Lena.
Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm."
"But, Jim, what about the smell?"
"Don't worry, Lena. The skunk will get used to it."
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