What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
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Racehorses have to pee like Chuck Norris.
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Question: What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull?
Answer: Lipstick.
A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" the woman said embarrassingly.
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed."
He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that...that phrase in no time."
"Thank you," the lady responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house.
As he ushered her in, she saw his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"
There was a stunned silence.
Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"
Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
A: Of course, a house doesn't jump at all.
What happened to the cannibal lion?
He had to swallow his pride!
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you?
A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.
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Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
If Chuck Norris were a cat he would have ten lives.
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