Joke #2299

What kind of shoes do frogs wear? Open toad!
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has 32.79 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal

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Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It's my nut!" The first squirrel said, "That's not fair! I saw it first!" "Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second. At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn't quarrel.Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved." Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I'll take the meat."
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has 57.73 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, lawyer
Little lad is sitting between his Mum and Dad on the sofa and they are playing a game about what sounds animals say. His Mum says "What does a duck say Tommy?" He says"Quack quack Mummy." His Mum says "Very good Tommy,that's right." She says "What does a dog say?" He says "Woof woof Mummy." She says "Very good." She says "What does a cat say?" He says "Meow meow Mummy." She says "Yes that's right." Tommy says "Let Daddy have a go." His dad says "Ok Tommy,what does a cow say?" The little lad looks confused and his Dad says "Come on Tommy you know what a cow says." Tommy says "Yes I do but do you mean a cow that eats grass and gives us our milk, or the one you where talking to Uncle John about, that said you could'nt go to the Stag show with him?"
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, game, insulting
A man brings his cat to a veterinarian. He lives the cat there and returns in two days, as preagreed. He asks the veterinarian: Is my cat still alive? Still not...
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has 83.85 % from 3253 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, death
Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it." "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?" "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator. "Hm. Well, where do you catch 'em?" "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp." "Same here. Hm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the shit out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
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has 58.26 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, kids, lawyer
Q: What did the emu say to the nurse? A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
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has 28.11 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, nurse
Why did the zombie baby cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.
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has 37.61 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, disgusting
What do you get from a cow on the North Pole? Cold cream.
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has 50.70 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal
Knock knock. Who's there? The interrupting cow. Interrupting cow wh- Moooooo!
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has 37.38 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: animal, knock-knock
Curiosity didn't kill the cat. Chuck Norris did.
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has 45.43 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death
If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring crabs home on? The Captains Dinghy!
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has 67.64 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, fish, life