Why did the frog cross the street? Because the chicken crossed the road.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
Yo' Mama is so fat, she tried to eat her chicken pox.
Q: What do you get when you cross a collie with a trumpet? A: A Lassie who plays brassie!
What do you call a gigantic polar bear? Nothing, you just run away.
Q: Why do cops arrest black people? A: Because monkeys belong in cages.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? a lickalotapus.
A man asks a farmer near a field, "Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train." The farmer says, "Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you'll even catch the 4:11 one."
When does a rabbit go exactly as fast as a train? When it's on the train.
Pet Owner: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner." Vet: "That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer."