Q. Why do women stop bleeding when entering the menopause ?
A. Because they need all the blood for their varicose veins!
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On the other day in a cemetery, I saw a woman who was rubbing her ass to a grave.
When I asked the reason, she answered: "It was my husband when he was alive; always he told me: 'Your ass is so sweet whenever any dead man touches it he'll be alive!'"
A man has came over to his wife in a request.
She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants.
3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.
Q: What’s so good in f***ing twenty six year olds?
A: That they are twenty…
A newly-wed couple didn’t know the difference between putty and Vaseline.
A week after the marriage all their windows fell out.
Which was the least of their worries.
Knock Knock.
Who's There?
Justin.
Justin who?
Your justin time to wipe my ass!
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A couple have been dating for a few weeks, but the guy has been afraid of making advances because he thinks his penis is on the small side.
Finally, he gets up his courage and takes her down lovers’ lane. While they’re kissing, he opens his trouser zip and guides her hand onto his organ.
‘No thanks,’ says the girl. ‘I don’t smoke.’
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
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Randy Rachel has got a speech impediment – she can’t say no.
Think of the hottest woman.
Chuck Norris did her.
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Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip.
Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him.
After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.
The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve.
He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?"
"I didn't have to," Steve replied.
"Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' So, Here I am!"