Joke #2408

What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? The vampire sucks you’re blood only at midnight!
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has 11.50 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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Man to lawyer: ‘If I give you £500, will you answer two questions?’ Lawyer: ‘Absolutely. What’s the other question?’
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "A shilling?" said the Justice, "It only takes shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go bury 20 of `em!"
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has 69.88 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: death, funeral, lawyer, money
30 degrees... It was so cold out today that even the lawyers had their hands in their own pockets.
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has 55.34 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
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has 62.74 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, life, money, terrorist, time
How come the lawyer got underground only by his neck? It was not enough sand...
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has 15.98 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A businessman was interviewing job applications for the position of manager of a large division. He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply asked each applicant this question, "What is two plus two?" The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was, "Twenty-two". The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm very glad that we had the opportunity to discuss it." The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and came up with an answer "somewhere between 3.999 and 4.001." Next came an attorney. He stated that "in the case of Jenkins vs. the Department of the Treasury, two plus two was proven to be four." Finally, the businessman interviewed an accountant. When he asked him what two plus two was, the accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it, came back and sat down. Leaning across the desk, he said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job.
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has 85.68 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: accountant, business, lawyer, management, work
I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A beautiful woman enters a bar and sits next to a lawyer. "Listen honey," she says, "For $50, I’ll do absolutely anything you want." The lawyer looks around, pulls fifty dollars from his wallet and says, "Paint my house."
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has 81.43 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: beauty, lawyer, money, women
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving
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has 20.20 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer