Joke #2408

What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? The vampire sucks you’re blood only at midnight!
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has 11.50 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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One day, a priest was walking through a forest, when he came upon a pond. On the pond was a lily-pad, and on the lily-pad was the saddest frog the priest had ever seen! "Dear frog" the priest asked, "what is the matter? Why re you so sad?" "Well," said the frog, "I was not always a frog." "Tell me more" said the priest. "One day, I was waslking through these woods when I came upon a wicked witch. 'Stand aside witch' I said to her. But alas, she called me a nasty cheeky boy and turned me into a frog." "But that's terrible! Isn't there anything that can be done to reverse the spell?" asked the priest. "Well" said the frog, "if a kind person were to take me home for the night, feed me and put me to sleep on their pillow, I am sure I would wake up human again." "Well, this is your lucky day!" said the priest. So he took the frog home, fed him and put him to sleep on his pillow. And lo and behold, when he woke up the next morning, there was a 10 year old choir boy in his bead! "And that Your Honour, is the case for the Defence!"
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has 75.28 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, lawyer, priest
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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has 72.27 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: divorce, lawyer, love, Valentines day
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “you protect the public.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop. A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system.” The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
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has 83.88 % from 202 votes. More jokes about: god, lawyer, money, priest, work
Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall? A: It depends how hard you throw them.
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: "How many can you afford?"
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has 78.50 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, light bulb, money
"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?" "Well, your Honour," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."
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has 78.12 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
The father with his daughter are taking a walk to a public place of their town; "Ann! Why are you so nervously looking around?" observes the father. "How else can I find you a really good son in law, dad?"
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has 43.40 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, lawyer
Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
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has 42.03 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer--do you have a locker room in the police station--a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties? A: Yes sir, we do.
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has 19.53 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should? Stick his bill up his rear.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer