Joke #6520

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
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has 75.62 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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How can you know a lawyer is lying? When he moves his lips.
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A man walks into a bar with a alligator. He says to the bartender, ‘Do you serve lawyers here?’ ‘Sure do,’ replies the bartender. ‘Good,’ says the man. ‘Give me a beer, and a lawyer for my ’gator.’
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
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has 34.72 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name and looked it up in his book also. "Now, if you will come with me, I will show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter. They walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the lawyer and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his house would be like. St. Peter and the Pope continued on to a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that this would be his dwelling. The Pope, shocked, said to St. Peter, "Just a minute!" That other guy was a lawyer and he gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church, and this is all the reward I get?" St. Peter looked at the Pope and said "True, you have done great things. But we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first lawyer ever to make it up here."
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has 82.28 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: christian, death, lawyer, life, mean
Out of courtesy, sharks never attack lawyers.
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has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker? A: Yes sir.
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has 9.44 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
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has 62.76 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, life, money, terrorist, time
The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man. "And why not?" "Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!"
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bartender, lawyer
A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week." "That's very fair,your honour," he replied. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
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has 73.02 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: divorce, husband, lawyer, money
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
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has 78.97 % from 186 votes. More jokes about: black humor, lawyer