Joke #2449

How is an earnest lawyer called? An oxymoron.
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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How many lawyers dose it take to change a light bulb? 3, 1 to climb the ladder, 1 to shake it, and 1 to sue the ladder company.
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has 77.83 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, light bulb
A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.' So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00? The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
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has 67.28 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer, money, nurse
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fuck her! The other attorney thinks for a second and said "Out of what"?
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has 39.39 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: bar, beauty, lawyer
From tomorrow you are free! The lawyer informs his client. Yes, I’m so happy, I have nothing to say, grumbled the prisoner. I torment myself for 5 years to make a rope ladder, 3 years to rasp the cage bars and you come now with the amnesty ordinance, exactly now when I wanted to break free...
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is becoming a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there, send him up here." Satan says, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
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has 83.00 % from 225 votes. More jokes about: death, heaven, lawyer, work
Q: Did you hear about the dead lawyer who was too big to fit in a coffin? A: They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats? A total waste of space!
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has 58.93 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir, with my life.
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has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
At the court of a small provincial town, a lawyer calls his first witness, an old woman around 80 and he asks her with a professional style: "Do you know me, Mrs. Rowland?" "Of course, I know you Mr. Smith! says the old woman. I know you since you were little, and I have to confess that I am very disappointed in you. You lie, you cheat on your wife repeatedly, you gossip about your clients. Of course, I know you!" Speechless, by the unexpected answer, the lawyer points with his finger on the other side of the court room and says: "Do you know the defense lawyer?" "Oh, yes! I know Mr. Soft as well. I was holding him in my arms when he was a baby, and I can say that I am disappointed in him, too. He’s a drunk and a gamester. He finds it hard to develop a normal relationship with anyone and he is one of the worst lawyers of our town!" At that point, the Chairman interrupts the process and demands from the two lawyers to approach the bench. When they do, he bends over and whispers to them: "If any of you jerks, asks if she knows me, you’re screwed!"
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has 82.15 % from 156 votes. More jokes about: dirty, drunk, lawyer, relationship, wife
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito? A mosquito drops off you when you die!
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer