Joke #2449

How is an earnest lawyer called? An oxymoron.
Vote:
has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Terrorists have hijacked a planeload of lawyers bound for a legal convention. They’ve threatened to start releasing the lawyers one by one until their demands are met.
Vote:
has 51.00 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, terrorist
Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.
Vote:
has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One’s a scum-sucking bottom dweller, the other’s a fish!
Vote:
has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.
Vote:
has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers? A: They grow taller!
Vote:
has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: insulting, lawyer, mean, viagra
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. And you thought blondes were dumb.
Vote:
has 85.64 % from 3430 votes. More jokes about: airplane, blonde, lawyer, money, travel
A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million." The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Cowboy, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well you are wrong. Hi Cowboy!"
Vote:
has 76.51 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, life, love, money, wife
The town’s local council remarks that the best lawyer in town never made a donation to charity tendency. To convince him, the mayor calls him in his office: Sir, I remarked that you’re revenue reached a number of $600.000. With all these, you never made a donation to the charity... If you looked into my files, did you also remark that my mother is sick, and the medicaments she needs exceed her funds? No... answers mayor. In second place, my brother, war veteran, is condemned in a wheelchair and he’s blind. The mayor started apologizing, but was interrupted: And more, my sister died into a car accident and left tree children orphans. Stunned, the mayor says: I didn’t know, please accept my apologies... But the lawyer continues: I don’t see why I should give you any money, if I don’t ever give them money...
Vote:
has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: health, kids, lawyer, money
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence", said the engineer, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?", he asked.
Vote:
has 74.28 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: black humor, fish, lawyer, money, work
How can you know a lawyer is lying? When he moves his lips.
Vote:
has 65.22 % from 113 votes. More jokes about: lawyer