The little snail begs for his mother:
Mother, please let me pass the rail road!
Thunder dear, not now.
In five hours the train passes.
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Teacher: If a lion is chasing you, what would you do?
Christy: I'd climb a tree.
Teacher: if the lion climbs a tree?
Christy: I will jump in the lake and swim.
Teacher: if the lion also jumps in the water and swims after you?
Christy: Teacher, are you on my side or on the lion's?
A man walks into a bar with a dog.
The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."
"You don't understand," says the man.
"This is no regular dog, he can talk."
"Listen, pal," says the bartender.
"If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks.
"The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"
"Roof!" "Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?" "Bark!"
"And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!"
"I guess you've heard enough," says the man.
"I'll take the hundred in twenties."
The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."
As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"
What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat?
He had to get a new goat.
Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
A: Because then the children have to play inside.
Rabbit: "Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?"
Doctor: "Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another."
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper?
A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat?
To the calf-ateria.
What do cows do when they re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
He felt funny.