How can you know a lawyer is lying?
When he moves his lips.
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Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig actually enjoys it.
A doctor and a lawyer are involved in a car crash.
The lawyer, seeing that the doctor is a little shaken up, offers him a drink from his hip flask.
The doctor accepts, has a drink and hands back the flask.
The lawyer puts it in his pocket.
‘Aren’t you having one yourself?’ asks the doctor.
‘Sure,’ says the lawyer. ‘But I’ll wait till after the police leave.’
How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
Never enough.
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?’
Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?
He was caught poaching.
Vote:
Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?’
Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
How come sharks don’t attack lawyers?
From professional courtesy.
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
People were confused about which side to spit
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse.
Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation.
"I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"