How can you know a lawyer is lying?
When he moves his lips.
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It was just a simple misunderstanding, your Honour."
Testified the man charged with indecent exposure.
"Explain that statement!" demanded the Judge.
"Well, you see, this girl and I were drinking in a bar and she asked me what I wanted most in a woman... So I showed her."
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
Did you hear about the lawyer who was hurt in an accident?
The ambulance he was chasing stopped too suddenly.
A divorce court judge said to the husband,"Mr Geraghty,I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $800 a week."
"That's very fair,your honour," he replied.
"And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness.
He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.
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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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Why don’t you see lawyers on the beach?
Cats keep covering them with sand.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Why God did made the snake before lawyers?
To exercise.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
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