Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
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Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.
A lawyer named Impos Syble was shopping for a tombstone.
After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it.
“Here lies an honest man and a lawyer,” responded the lawyer.
“Sorry, but I can’t do that,” replied the stonecutter.
“In this state, it’s against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put `here lies an honest lawyer’.”
“But that won’t let people know who it is!” protested the lawyer.
“Sure it will,” retorted the stonecutter. “People will read it and exclaim, “That’s impossible!”
The lawyer’s motto:
a man is not guilty until he demonstrates he is out of money...
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
The bucket.
A Harvard and Yale Law grad met in a washroom during a law convention.
The Harvard graduate said, "Didn't they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?"
The Yale grad responded, "They taught us not to piss on our hands."
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks?
A: Professional courtesy.
Lawyer’s creed – a man is innocent until proven broke.
What do you call ten lawyers buried up to their necks in the sand?
Football practice.
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles.
His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied.
"Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment.
He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled.
With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.