Joke #3940

Why do they bury lawyers in 20ft holes? Because deep down they’re all really nice guys.
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Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..." Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"
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Why God did made the snake before lawyers? To exercise.
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In the High Court: Do you know what you get for false testimony? Yes, they promised me a Mercedes...
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Q: Did you hear about the dead lawyer who was too big to fit in a coffin? A: They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.
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How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly!
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A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. "Can you tell me how much you charge?" asked the client. "Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!" "Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?" "Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers? "Professional courtesy."
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A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “you protect the public.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop. A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system.” The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
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A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!" The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"
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Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
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