Joke #4887

Life is like a box of chocolate. It doesn't last long for fat people.
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has 75.77 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: life

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Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you're fucked.
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has 83.78 % from 340 votes. More jokes about: life, sex, vulgar
A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank. Moral of the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
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has 69.86 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: business, Halloween, life
3 things which change women: 1) I love U 2) I liquidated to your account 3) U have lost weight The last one had been some fatalities!
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has 77.43 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: fat, life, love, money, women
A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that truck?!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?" demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost. "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?" they said. "It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don"t know her name - they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars." "Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what"s going on." So the boy"s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it. "Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. "I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he had run off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn"t intend to come back." "He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money. So I did."
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has 85.78 % from 254 votes. More jokes about: age, car, life, money, teen
Q: What's the difference between a black fairy tale and a white one? A: White one starts like "once upon a time" Black one starts like " y'all muthaf*ckas gotta here dis"
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has 42.92 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: black people, life
Q: What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy? A: Hoppalong Cassidy.
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy, life
Pawn Stars: Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?" Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life, money
Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: life
Our folk not only knows how to read between the lines but also how to leave a record between the eyes.
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has 12.62 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: life
Wearing a turtleneck shirt is like being strangled by a really weak person all day.
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has 63.17 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: beauty, life