Life is like a box of chocolate.
It doesn't last long for fat people.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
The Highlander movie was actually based on Chuck Norris's life.
There can be only one.
Vote:
What is height of Fashion?
Dhoti with a zip.
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
If my main parachute doesn't open and my reserve parachute doesn't open, how long till i hit the ground?
The rest of your life...
There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Wales.
Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark.
Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap.
When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.
The Englishman was thinking: ‘The Scottish guy must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.’
Claudia Schiffer was thinking: ‘The English guy must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.’
And the Scotsman was thinking: ‘This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I’ll make that kissing noise and slap that English bastard again.'
A diner complained, "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"
His waiter replied, "That's entirely possible; our cook used to be a tailor."
Two young men from up in Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models.
Ole says to the Sven "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?"
Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"
Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.”
Sven smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too."
Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend Ole, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?"
Ole replies, "No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"
One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch:
"My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
A Russian captain is trying to explain to his comrades the effects of atomic bombs:
"Now, imagine 20 no, 40, no... a 100 cases of vodka and noone to drink them!"
A Gujarati Funeral…
A family in Gujarat got simply puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Puj. Ba) arrived from the US.
It was sent by one of the Daughters.
The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid; they found a letter on top addressed to all her brothers and sisters:
Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben & Varsha,
I am sending Puj. Ba’s dead body to you, since it was her last wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Kadhywad, GUJARAT, India.
Sorry, I could not come, all of my paid leaves got consumed.
You will find inside the coffin, under Ba’s body, 5 cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates, 8 packets of Badam and few items for Kids.
Please divide these among all of you.
Near Ba’s feet, you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan.
There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha’s and Lakshmi’s sons.
Hope the sizes are correct!
Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts.
The large size is for Mohan and rest you can decide.
The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.
The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba’s left wrist.
Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for.
Please take it.
The few pairs of white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among all the Nephews.
Please distribute all these above items fairly & equally.
Yours loving sister, Anubhavi
P.S.: If anything more needed, let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days…