While making love, he says: Darling, let's do 68!
68???
What's that?
You do it to me and I'll owe you one.
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Q: Why do blondes need to have orgasms?
A: So they know when to stop having sex.
Tow millipedes went for honey moon.
The male one asked: "My darling, between which feet is your pussy, please?"
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
Man to vicar: ‘Do you approve of sex before marriage?’
Vicar: ‘Not if it delays the service.’
My girlfriend always wanted to know the future job of her baby; so the other day when we were making sex suddenly she farted.
I told her: "Your baby will be a bugler."
One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence.
Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast.
"You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras."
That was too far over the limit.
She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis.
Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
One night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "I still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"
So they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"
Suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said
"Could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
Mother Teaches Her Child To Go To The Bathroom
Mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers:
1. Open your fly.
2. Take out your equipment.
3. Pull back the skin.
4. Do your business.
5. Let the skin forward.
6. Stow your equipment.
7. Close your fly.
She did check on him often to see if he had learned the lesson, and
heard 1,2,3,4,5,6,7.
She was very happy until one day she checked and heard 3-5, 3-5, 3-5.
If you're feeling down, I can feel you up.
The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex.
But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
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