One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor: Help me, please. I have a knife in my back. The doctor, looking his watch says: Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you. Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8. But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now. The doctor, angrily says: I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you. You must pass here tomorrow. But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead. Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back. The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye. Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.
Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? A. They both live off dead Beatles.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table? You can't fuck a table.
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive? Popeye almost killed him!
A guy wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor for a check up. He did the tests and waited. After a while, the doctor came in with the results. "Unfortunately, I have very bad news! You’re seriously ill! You have really not much time to live.." "Doctor..! How much time do I have..?" "Ten..." "Ten what? Months? Years? What?!" "Nine...Eight...Seven..."
Join the Army, meet some fascinating people, then kill them.
What's pink and chunky? A baby with leprosy.
What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews? A: Santa comes down the chimney.
Q: What's the difference between morbid and black humour? A: Well, black humour is like 10 children in one rubbish bin, whereas morbid humour is like one child in 10 rubbish bins.
My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick. No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.