Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving
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The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink.
But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs.
"Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go.
"I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man.
"And why not?"
"Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!"
I once meet a honest, caring, politician that listened when I spoke and tried to help the country.
Then I woke up.
A young lawyer was working on a farmer’s case, which asked compensation from the train company because one of they’re trains killed 24 pigs of his.
At the High Court, wanting to make impression of the damage amount, the lawyer says:
There were 24 pigs gentlemen!
Twice as much than you!
Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig actually enjoys it.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
The bucket.
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage.
They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
How come the lawyer got underground only by his neck?
It was not enough sand...
Why was the man sued by his horse?
For palomino-money!
Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said...
'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'