Joke #2522

How come the lawyer got underground only by his neck? It was not enough sand...
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has 17.55 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?” Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”
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has 78.89 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: car, lawyer
The town’s local council remarks that the best lawyer in town never made a donation to charity tendency. To convince him, the mayor calls him in his office: Sir, I remarked that you’re revenue reached a number of $600.000. With all these, you never made a donation to the charity... If you looked into my files, did you also remark that my mother is sick, and the medicaments she needs exceed her funds? No... answers mayor. In second place, my brother, war veteran, is condemned in a wheelchair and he’s blind. The mayor started apologizing, but was interrupted: And more, my sister died into a car accident and left tree children orphans. Stunned, the mayor says: I didn’t know, please accept my apologies... But the lawyer continues: I don’t see why I should give you any money, if I don’t ever give them money...
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has 27.24 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: health, kids, lawyer, money
What’s black and tan and looks great on a lawyer? A Dobermann pinscher.
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has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers? A: Because after they die, they lie still.
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has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, lawyer, life
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?’ Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
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has 42.61 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
An elderly man 82, just returned from the doctors only to find he didn’t have long to live. So he summons the three most important people in his life to tell. 1. His Doctor 2. His Priest 3. His Lawyer "Well today I found out I don’t have long to live. So I asked you three here, because your the most important people in my life. And I need to ask a favour. Today I am going to give each of you and envelope with $50,000 dollars in it. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money in my grave." Well a few days later the man passed on, The doctor said, "I have to admit I kept $10,000 dollars of his money, he owed me lots of medical bills. But I threw the other $35,000 in." The Priest said, "I have to admit also I kept $25,000 dollars for the church. Its all going to a good cause. And I threw the rest in." Well the Lawyer just couldn’t believe what he was hearing, "I am surprised at you two. I wrote a check for the whole amount and threw it in."
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has 83.13 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: age, doctor, lawyer, life, old people
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"
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has 74.33 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, math
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker? A: Yes sir.
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has 10.08 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice. To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney.
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has 65.19 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
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has 31.03 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer