Joke #2596

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? A: "How many can you afford?"
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Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress? A: No fee–If No Recovery!
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A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
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has 26.16 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: doctor, lawyer
A man calls a lawyer’s office. A voice answers, ‘Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz.’ The man says, ‘Let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘I’m sorry, he’s on vacation.’ ‘Then let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘He’s on a big case, not available for a week.’ ‘Then let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘He’s playing golf today.’ ‘Okay, then, let me talk to Mr Schwartz.’ ‘Speaking.’
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million." The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Cowboy, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well you are wrong. Hi Cowboy!"
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, life, love, money, wife
Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? A: The accountant knows he's boring.
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: accountant, lawyer
A lawyer with insomnia consults his doctor. ‘Which side is it best to lie on?’ he asks. ‘The side that pays your fee,’ replies the doctor.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Why don’t you see lawyers on the beach? Cats keep covering them with sand.
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One’s a scum-sucking bottom dweller, the other’s a fish!
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
An accountant and a lawyer were laying on a beach in Hawaii sipping mai tai's. The lawyer started telling the accountant how he came to be there. "I had this downtown property in Memphis that caught fire and after the insurance paid off, I came here." The accountant said, "I had a downtown property, too, in Miami. It got flooded so here I am with the insurance proceeds." The lawyer took another sip of his mai tai, and then asked in a puzzled voice, "How do you start a flood?"
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has 76.27 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: accountant, geography, lawyer