How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
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Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers?
A: Because after they die, they lie still.
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What’s the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead skunk in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
A lawyer was standing in a long line to get tickets for a theatre play.
Suddenly, he felt the hands of the man behind him, kneading into his back.
He turned and gave the man a stern look, and the kneading stopped.
But a few minutes later, he again felt the man’s hands on his back.
"Excuse me," the lawyer asked, "But why are you touching my back?"
"I’m a chiropractor," the man replied, "and I sometimes I can’t keep myself from practicing my skills."
"Get control of yourself," the lawyer shot back. "I’m an attorney, and you don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing?
Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.
Why was the man sued by his horse?
For palomino-money!
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"
The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"
Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?
He was caught poaching.
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Why God did made the snake before lawyers?
To exercise.