The soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
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A Kentuckian entered the US Army and was in his first week of basic training.
He lived in the back hills and was not used to the modern amenities.
On the first day, he was issued a comb.
On the second day they sent him to the barber to cut off his hair.
On the third day he was issued a toothbrush and toothpaste.
On the fourth day he was sent to the dentist and they pulled ten of his teeth.
On the fifth day he was issued an athletic supporter.
On the sixth day he went AWOL.
Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.
“Why, my outfit was so well drilled,” declared one,
“that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click.”
“Very good,” conceded the other, “but when my company presented arms you’d just hear slap, slap, jingle.”
“What was the jingle?” asked the first. “Oh,” replied the other offhand, “just our medals.”
What do Gary Glitter and Napalm have in common?
Both can strip the clothes off a small Vietnamese child in under two seconds.
After numerous rounds of, "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of the coded message, 370HSSV-0773H.
Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry.
Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
Noone could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help.
Within a few seconds, the Marine Corps cabled back with this reply, "Tell Kennedy he's holding the message upside down."
Vote:
There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom.
The Marine goes to leave without washing up.
The sailor catches up with him later and says, "In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands."
The Marine replies, "In the Marines, they teach us not to pee on ours!"
While my six-year-old daughter of the space age and I were reviewing some old photographs, we came across a picture of me when I was a captain in the Army Reserves.
“Daddy, were you in a war?”
“Yes,” I fibbed, just to see what her reaction would be.
Wide-eyed, she gasped, “Against what planet?”
Where did Saddam Hussein keep his CDs?
In Iraq.
A trio of old veterans were bragging and jokes about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall.
"My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh."
"Mine," boasts another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn."
"I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really?
What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know.
"Nothing much.
But he would be 165 years old."
"Where does the Colonel keep his armies?"
"Up his sleevies!"