Joke #2628

Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop? A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer who responded to the scene.
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has 15.98 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"
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Q: What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra? A: He gets taller.
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has 31.89 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: insulting, lawyer, mean, viagra
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A man was summoned to court for punching his lawyer. During the process, the Judge asked him to explain his actions. "Your Honor," replied the defendant, "that man represented me in a bitter divorce. One day he said my property settlement hearing was about to be held. The judge would decide that afternoon what I would get, and what Rose would get. My lawyer told me I didn't have to be present and "not to worry." "I can't see why you'd punch a man for that," interrupted the judge. "Wait, there's more... When I asked my attorney later about the settlement, he told me to look on the bright side. I asked why. Then he said, "Because everything's coming up Rose's." "THAT'S when I hit him!"
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket.
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has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
"You seem to be in some distress," said the kindly judge to the witness. "Is anything the matter?" "Well, your Honour," said the witness, "I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects."
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has 78.12 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
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has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What would you do if your were in a large room, all sealed up, no windows, the door was locked, and there were 5 hungry tigers, 32 vultures, 17 spitting cobras, 213 tarantulas, 1 laywer, and you had a gun with only two bullets? Shoot the lawyer twice.
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats? A total waste of space!
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has 58.93 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: lawyer