Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers
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A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance.
When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused.
The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it.
The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat.
He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in, waving guns and yelling for everyone to freeze.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables.
While this is going on, one of the lawyers jams something into the other lawyer's hand.
Without looking down, the second lawyer whispers: "What is this?"
The first lawyer replies: "It's the $100 I owe you."
Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative:
He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.
That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange"!
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue.
Q: And his son?
A: Bill.
What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
The vampire sucks you’re blood only at midnight!
What’s black and tan and looks great on a lawyer?
A Dobermann pinscher.
Having lawyers make laws is like having doctors make diseases.
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage.
They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
A lawyer and a basketball player want to make a deal.
Suggest a place where both of them would be happy to meet.
Of course, they should at the court.
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