Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your Honour.
How do you prevent a Lawyer from drowning?
Shoot him before he hits the water!
What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.
How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?
Never enough.
I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue.
Q: And his son?
A: Bill.
What’s the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead skunk in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”
Walking into a lawyers office, a man asked what his rates were.
"Fifty dollars for three questions," the lawyer stated.
"Isn't that awfully expensive?" the man asked?"
"Yes," replied the lawyer. "What's your third question?"
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
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