Joke #2629

Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.? A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Three guys are arrested in an adult book store and appear before the judge. He asks the first guy to stand: "What is your name?" he asked. "John," the guy answered. "And why were you arrested?" the judge asked. "I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered. The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the guy and called up the next one. "What's your name?" he asked. "John," the guy answered. "Why were you arrested?" the Judge asked. "I was by the magazine rack holding a big fat cigar and blowing smoke." he answered. Again, the judge saw nothing offensive, 'This so-called adult store is begining to sound more like a smoking club!' he thought. So he dismissed the charge and called up the next guy. "What's your name?? No wait, let me guess; John." he said. "No," said the guy, "My name is Smoke."
Vote: has 76.12 % from 953 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: gay, lawyer, prison
Jerry is charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquits him. Later that day Jerry comes back to speak to the judge that tried his case. ‘Your Honour,’ he says. ‘I want to get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.’ ‘Why?’ asks the judge. ‘He won your acquittal. Why do you want to have him arrested?’ Jerry replies, ‘I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so the bastard went and took the car I stole.’
Vote: has 60.16 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A man walks into a bar with a alligator. He says to the bartender, ‘Do you serve lawyers here?’ ‘Sure do,’ replies the bartender. ‘Good,’ says the man. ‘Give me a beer, and a lawyer for my ’gator.’
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A doctor and a lawyer are involved in a car crash. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor is a little shaken up, offers him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepts, has a drink and hands back the flask. The lawyer puts it in his pocket. ‘Aren’t you having one yourself?’ asks the doctor. ‘Sure,’ says the lawyer. ‘But I’ll wait till after the police leave.’
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before a crime, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after a crime, we call him a defence lawyer.
Vote: has 31.56 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer died and was standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "you can't come in here... you have to go to the other place". But the lawyer was really good and pleaded his case to the point where St. Peter said, "OK... here's what I'll do. You will spend the same amount of time in hell as you did on earth, and then you can spend the rest of eternity up here." The lawyer figured this wasn't too bad of a deal, so he said "OK". St. Peter said, "Great... I'll see you in 350 years.". The lawyer said, "But, how is that possible... I'm only 65 years old!". St Peter said, "We go by billing hours".
Vote: has 80.74 % from 63 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, death, heaven, lawyer
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
Vote: has 21.85 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving
Vote: has 24.92 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
An elderly man 82, just returned from the doctors only to find he didn’t have long to live. So he summons the three most important people in his life to tell. 1. His Doctor 2. His Priest 3. His Lawyer "Well today I found out I don’t have long to live. So I asked you three here, because your the most important people in my life. And I need to ask a favour. Today I am going to give each of you and envelope with $50,000 dollars in it. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money in my grave." Well a few days later the man passed on, The doctor said, "I have to admit I kept $10,000 dollars of his money, he owed me lots of medical bills. But I threw the other $35,000 in." The Priest said, "I have to admit also I kept $25,000 dollars for the church. Its all going to a good cause. And I threw the rest in." Well the Lawyer just couldn’t believe what he was hearing, "I am surprised at you two. I wrote a check for the whole amount and threw it in."
Vote: has 72.04 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, doctor, lawyer, life, old people