Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team’s response times. “Since we installed our new satellite navigation system,” bragged one, “we’ve cut our emergency response time by ten percent.”
“Not bad,” the second paramedic commented.
“But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we we cut our average time by 20 percent.”
“That’s nothing said the third paramedic.
“Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we’ve cut our emergency response time in half!”
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Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
"My name is Billy.
What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant.
What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
"No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian?
A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!
Vote:
I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
He was a very keen lawyer, he even named his daughter ‘Sue’.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
A: Terrorists have sympathisers.
An airliner is having engine trouble.
The pilot instructs the cabin crew to prepare for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later the pilot asks the flight attendants if everyone is buckled in and ready.
‘All set back here, Captain,’ comes the reply.
‘Except one lawyer.
He’s still going around passing out business cards.’
Walking into a lawyers office, a man asked what his rates were.
"Fifty dollars for three questions," the lawyer stated.
"Isn't that awfully expensive?" the man asked?"
"Yes," replied the lawyer. "What's your third question?"
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear.
The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."
A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?"
He answered, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?"
The lawyer answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
A man walked into a curio store and was looking around.
After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.
The proprietor said, that will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it.
The man said, 'Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story.'
He purchased the brass rat and left the store.
As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him.
The further he walked -- the more rats followed.
He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him.
So, he decided to walk out into the water, which he did -- and all the rats drowned.
He returned to the store where he purchased the brass rat, and when he walked in, the proprietor said, 'Ah ha!
You came back to pay the $1,000 for the story, right?'
'Nope,' replied the man, 'Just came back to see if you have any brass lawyers!'