Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team’s response times. “Since we installed our new satellite navigation system,” bragged one, “we’ve cut our emergency response time by ten percent.” “Not bad,” the second paramedic commented. “But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we we cut our average time by 20 percent.” “That’s nothing said the third paramedic. “Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we’ve cut our emergency response time in half!”
Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.
Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers? A: Because after they die, they lie still.
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.
A young lawyer was working on a farmer’s case, which asked compensation from the train company because one of they’re trains killed 24 pigs of his. At the High Court, wanting to make impression of the damage amount, the lawyer says: There were 24 pigs gentlemen! Twice as much than you!
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which side to spit
Why was the man sued by his horse? For palomino-money!
Q: What do you get when you cross a Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A: Clothes.