Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team’s response times. “Since we installed our new satellite navigation system,” bragged one, “we’ve cut our emergency response time by ten percent.”
“Not bad,” the second paramedic commented.
“But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we we cut our average time by 20 percent.”
“That’s nothing said the third paramedic.
“Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we’ve cut our emergency response time in half!”
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Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
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I dated a lawyer until she said, ‘Stop, and/or I’ll slap your face!’
Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian?
A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!
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Not all the warrants, can be called milky cows, says a lawyer to a colleague of his, some of them are like the mice in the church.
Got for as lawyers that we know how to milk the mice...
To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice.
To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney.
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man.
"I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Did you hear about the lawyer who was hurt in an accident?
The ambulance he was chasing stopped too suddenly.
Chuck Norris once went to court for a crime, the judge pleaded guilty.
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A lawyer was standing in a long line to get tickets for a theatre play.
Suddenly, he felt the hands of the man behind him, kneading into his back.
He turned and gave the man a stern look, and the kneading stopped.
But a few minutes later, he again felt the man’s hands on his back.
"Excuse me," the lawyer asked, "But why are you touching my back?"
"I’m a chiropractor," the man replied, "and I sometimes I can’t keep myself from practicing my skills."
"Get control of yourself," the lawyer shot back. "I’m an attorney, and you don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"