A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father.
"Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"
"I did?
What did I tell you?" said the dad.
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."
"What are you talking about?
That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said.
"there must be some mistake."
"I don't think so," she sniffed.
"They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."
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A 10-point buck walked into a lodge restaurant and ordered a burger and fries.
After the deer finished and was paying, the cashier said, "We don't see too many deer around here."
"At these prices," replied the buck, "I'm not surprised."
Vote:
Four Laws of Accounting:
1. Trial balances don't.
2. Bank reconciliations never do.
3. Working capital does not.
4. Return on investments never will.
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so poor, she does a drive-by from the bus.
Two elderly gin-soaked colonels are sitting at the bar of their club.
‘Lend me a tenner for a month, old boy,’ says one.
‘What does a month-old boy want a tenner for?’ asks the other.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cash.
Cash who?
Yes! I've always known you were a bit nutty!
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An young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town.
After sex the girl said, "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'am actually a hooker, and I charge $100 for what we just did."
The man retorted, "And I should have mentioned this before, but I'am actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $200."
Q: Why do Jews have so big noses?
A: Because the air is free.
One night, Murphy was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him.
Murphy and the thief began to wrestle.
They rolled about on the ground and Murphy put up a tremendous fight.
However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground.
The thief then went through Murphy’s pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Murphy was 25 cents.
The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Murphy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents.
"Was that all you wanted?" Murphy replied, "I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I’ve got in me shoe!"
I hate paying my income tax.
You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile?
I'd like to but they insist on money!