A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things.
I just won the California lottery!"
Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care.
Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
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A guy about to tee off was approached by a man who held out a card that read, "I am a deaf mute. May I please play through?"
The first man gave the card back, angrily shaking his head, and saying, "No, you CANNOT play through." He assumed the guy read lips so he mouthed, "I can't believe you would try to use your handicap to your own advantage like that!
Shame on you!"
The deaf man walked away and the first man whacked the ball onto the green and then walked off to finish the hole.
Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with a golf ball that knocked him out cold.
When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other hand holding up four fingers.
Q: What has 18 legs and catches flies?
A: A baseball team.
Yo' Mama is like a hockey player, she doesn't change her pad for three periods.
I play the worlds most dangerous sport.
I disagree with my wife.
Chuck Norris once scored a field goal, using a hockey stick!
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What is the noisiest game?
Squash – because you can’t play it without raising a racquet!
Q: Why there are many bubbles on the pool's water?
A: Swimmers are farting.
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I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with her fitness trainer.
Me: "Okay, this isn't working out."
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have any teams competing in the Olympics?
A: Because all of the Mexicans that can run, swim, and jump have left the country.
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Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.
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