A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things.
I just won the California lottery!"
Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care.
Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
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A man comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn't include Joseph in the games anymore.
The husband asks, "Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?"
"Of course I wouldn't," replies the wife.
"Well," says the husband, "neither would Joseph."
A teacher walks into her classroom and turns to the children and says, Today kids im going to ask you what job your daddy has!
She turns to the first child and says, What job dose your daddy have tina??
She replies; he is a carpenter miss.
The teacher turns to the next child and repeats the question...the child says he is the head of a multi-organic food chain.
Very good indeed says miss..........she turns to the next child and says.
What job does your daddy have Robert??
He replies... He's a male prostitute miss; and demands 50 quid.
No,No,No your lying to me Robert i can tell!
Ok then miss you got me i confess.........................................
HE PLAYS RUGBY FOR ENGLAND BUT IM TO ASHAMED TO SAY!!!
Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music?
"Because he broke the record."
My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing.
But I mean, 41 years, still alive.
I kinda got it.
To give you an idea of the kind of season we've had, the person who handled our side of the scoreboard was sick for three weeks and nobody noticed.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Why is Cinderella such a bad football player?
Because she has a pumpkin for a coach and she ran away from the ball.
Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style?
A: That way they can both watch wrestling.
Q: What's the difference between an NFL player and an elevator?
A: The elevator can raise a child.
While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
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