Joke #2721

One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window. Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names. “Shut Up”, replied Shut Up. “Stupid”, replied Stupid. The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad. “Excuse Me!” shouted the chief. Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names. “Shut Up!” “Stupid!” The police chief was very riled. He then asked” Are you looking for trouble?”!!! Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied,”Why yes, how did you know?”

An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. "For Heavens SAKES, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS! At 4 A.M. the next morning a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

Two blondes were running from the cops as they had just been caught sneeking over the border into Mexico. They dashed up to a fence and climbed over it, lights and sirens running behind them. As they arrived on the other side, they came face to face with a long river. One blonde said to the other. "Here I'll shine this flashlight over the water and you can walk accross the beam of light." The other said: "What do you think I am, stupid!? I'll get halfway accross and you'll turn it off!"

What do you call a clairvoyant midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large.

Q: Did you hear Lorena Bobbitt was almost killed in a traffic accident? A: Some dick cut her off.

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window! 2nd thief: But this is the 13th floor. 1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right." "What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again." "Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."

A drunk man was smoking drugs while driving. The policeman stop him and says, "Show me you ID?" The drunk man, "What drugs?"

Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?" "A bird," the guy replied. The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here." Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that naked fellow?" After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."

A state trooper stopped at a little cafe for coffee. As he was getting ready to leave a patron of the cafe yelled out, "Go out and get 'em!" he said. "I suppose everyone's going to get a ticket today?" "I don't really give out many tickets," the cop said. "Oh, come on," the man teased. "You'd give your own mother a ticket." "No, my mother never drove a car," said the trooper. Then a grin spread over his face. "But I did catch her jaywalking once," he said, "and I issued her a warning. But that's all."