Joke #2721

One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window. Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names. “Shut Up”, replied Shut Up. “Stupid”, replied Stupid. The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad. “Excuse Me!” shouted the chief. Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names. “Shut Up!” “Stupid!” The police chief was very riled. He then asked” Are you looking for trouble?”!!! Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied,”Why yes, how did you know?”

Hot Shot Rookie A rookie patrol officer stopped a car for speeding. The driver asked, "Gee officer can't you just give me a warning"? The officer said,"Sure". He stepped back, drew his .357 magnum and fired a shot across the hood of the car. "Anything else?" said the rookie.

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'. "His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work." The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said, watch this. He told Sniffer to 'search'. Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm. The Policeman said, "Good boy", and he turned to the man and said, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land." "Gee, that's pretty good," replied the first man. Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm. The Policeman said, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm taking a note of his seat number for the police." "I like it!" said his seatmate. The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to shit all over the place. The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, "What's going on?" The Policeman nervously replied, "He's just found a bomb."

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone PISSING on his Ferrari. "Hey," says the man. "Why are you pissing on my Ferrari?" "Because I feel like it." "Tell you what -- I won't report you to the police if you can keep up with my Ferrari." "Whatever." So the guy gets in his car and drives off, going faster and faster, until he's hit 100 miles per hour. Amazingly, the guy is still keeping up. "I'm amazed," says the driver. "How are you keeping up?" "It's easy," says the running man, "when your d**k is stuck in the door."

On the morning a cop walks into a bar and sees his wife with two of his best friends. He takes a sit on the table behind them to eavesdrop then his wife says "let's have him kidnaped." A poor guy heartbroken pulls out a gun and shoots them all and runs back to his house to grab some cash and clothe to escape. When he finally reached his house and opens the door everyone yells happy birthday!

When President Roosevelt dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, he did so only because it was more human then sending Chuck Norris.

A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?" "That it is, "Irish Mike replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball." "You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat. "How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Mike. "Well," mused Pat, "there's a lesson in this somewhere." "That there is," replied Irish Mike...." 'Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What’s in the bags?" "Sand," answered Juan. The guard says, "We’ll just see about that – get off the bike!" The guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border. The next day, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Sand," says Juan. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year. Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico. "Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about… I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?" Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."

The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again." "Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes.