Teacher: “Johnny, what is the outside of a tree called?”
Johnny: “I don’t know.”
Teacher: “Bark, Johnny, bark.”
Johnny: “Bow, wow, wow!”
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Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
TEACHER : What is further away, Australia or the Moon?
Pupil : Australia, you can see the Moon at night.
Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol?
A: Tequila Mockingbird
Five friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go for a picnic and party with some friends up there.
They had a great time.
However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to College until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to an Old age home in the nearest town to spend some time with aged people for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time.
As a result, they missed the final.
The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day.
The guys were elated and relieved.
They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them.
He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points.
It was the easiest question in their entire syllabus.
"Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room.
"This is going to be easy."
Each finished the problem and then turned the page.
On the second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire?
Vote:
A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.
The pharmacist says: "Here's a pill for English literature."
The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature.
"What else do you have?" asks the student.
"Well I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks: "Do you have a pill for math?"
The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back to the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plonks it on the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.
The pharmacist replies, "Well you know math always was a little hard to swallow."
Teacher: Students, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Class: "Brotherly love."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, he said:
“Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face.”
“Yes, sir,” the boys said.
“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”
A little fellow shouted, “‘It’s because yer feet ain’t empty.”
Twin brother were in a same class. Teacher ask them to write their father’s name.
They wrote different name.
Teacher was shocked and ask them why did they wrote the different names.
They reply, ” Now you wont say that we cheated”.
Girl: “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”
Mother: “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”
Girl: “My homework.”