Unexpected sex - is the best thing to wake up, unless you're in prison...
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My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207.
Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
What does a Blonde say after multiple orgasms?
Way to go team!
If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
Did you hear about the new contraceptive pill for men?
You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp.
Q: What are the three words you never wanna hear whilst having sex?
A: "Honey I'm home."
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Q: Why do women have two holes so close together?
A: In case you miss.
A husband says to his wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived. I think I'll wear gold tonight."
The wife replies, "Why not wear silver and come second for a change?"
Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time.
Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina."
Ted: "Your breasts aren't bad either."
An old lady goes to her doctor and asks for contraceptive tablets, claiming they help her sleep at night.
‘Why would contraceptive pills make you sleep any better than normal?’ asks the doctor.
The old lady replies, ‘Because I put them in my grandaughter’s coffee.’
At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, “Who here has ever seen a ghost?”
Most of the hands go up.
“And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?”
About half the hands stay up.
“Okay, now how many of you have had *physical* contact with a ghost?”
Three hands stay up; there’s a slight murmur in the crowd.
“Gosh, that’s pretty good. Okay, have any of you ever, uh…, been *intimate* with a ghost?”
One hand stays up.
The speaker blinks.
“Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you’ve actually had *sexual* contact with a ghost?”
The fellow suddenly blushes and says, “Oh, I’m sorry,… I thought you said goat!”