Joke #2781

Unexpected sex - is the best thing to wake up, unless you're in prison...

One day Pebbles Flintstone got scared and hopped in bed with Wilma and Fred. She looked under the covers on Wilma's side and asked what that was and Wilma said well Pebbles thas my rock. After that Pebbles looked on Fred's side and asked what that thing was down there and Fred replied thats my rock grinder. So Pebbles layed there for a few minutes then sat up and said so mommy puts her rock in daddy's rock grinder and out pops PEBBLES! ! ! !

Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay? A. They don't have time.

A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.

Jones aside. ‘You’re in perfect health,’ he says. ‘Your wife didn’t give me an erection, either.’

I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with her fitness trainer. Me: "Okay, this isn't working out."

‘Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.’ Rodney Dangerfield

On the beach, how can you recognise a guy who uses an inflatable sex doll? He doesn’t stare at the bikinis, he stares at the beach balls.

What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, ”Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.” The doctor smiled and said, ”Have you tried to give him Viagra?” The lady frowned. ”Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed. ”Well,” the doctor continued, ”Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.” The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor’s office quickly. Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head. ”How did it go?” the doctor asked. ”Terrible, doctor, terrible.” ”Did it not work?” ”Yes,” the old lady said, ”It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I’d had in 25 years.” ”Then what is the problem, ma’am?” ”Well,” she said. ”I can’t ever show my face in McDonald’s again.

Q: The male sex has two hobbies. What are they? A: His left hand and his right hand.