Joke #4052

A newly-wed couple didn’t know the difference between putty and Vaseline. A week after the marriage all their windows fell out. Which was the least of their worries.

Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it.

Q: Why did Daft Punk spend the night with a Leprechaun? A: He was "Up all night to get lucky"

She was hungry for love and didn’t know where her next male was coming from.

A man comes home from a hard day of work only to find his wife laying infront of the fire place with her legs wide open. He asked, "Honey what are you doing?" She replied, "I'm heating up your dinner."

What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.

An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?" The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."

My sex life isn’t dead, but the buzzards are circling.

Two friends who had not seen each other for awhile met at a bar. "Hey, your wife just had a birthday recently, didn't she? Did you get her anything special?" "Yeah, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo." "A pair of slippers and a dildo?" "Yeah, I said 'If you don't like the slippers, you can go fuck yourself.' "

A French monk wrote a manifesto stating that every woman would agree to sell her body for money. The manifesto was read by the Queen of France and she invited the monk for a chat. So, you're stating that every women would agree to sell herself? Yes. Me too? Of course. And how much do you think I would cost? 500 francs. What?! Only 500 francs?! Here you go - you've already started to negotiate.

Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?" A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.