Anal sex is like your first car - you dont really want it, but your dad gave it to you anyways.
Q: How do you make a dead baby float? A: One scoop of ice cream and Two scoops of dead baby.
What do you call a baby on a stick? A Kebabie.
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? So you can tell which ones are still alive.
Two bums are sitting talking. The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever! This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground. So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever." The second bum just laughs, "That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks. You know what I did? I fucked her all day long." The other bum interrupts, "Bull! You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life." The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?" The other replies no. "How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?" To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Q: Whats worse then a barrel of dead babies? A: There is one at the bottom that is still alive. Q: Whats worse then that? A: He has to eat his way out. Q: Whats worse then that? A: He goes back for more.
What has more brains than a dead baby? The wall behind it.
Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing? A: He didn't have any arms.