Anal sex is like your first car - you dont really want it, but your dad gave it to you anyways.
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My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
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What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ?
A Pedophiles ass.
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Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A: He didn't have any arms.
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You might be a redneck if the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
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Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history?
Hitler.
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A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner.
As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle.
When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish.
The waiter explains that the meatballs are bull's testicles, and when the bull loses the bullfight, the bull is brought to the restaurant, and this beautiful dish is made.
The diner tells the waiter that he wants the bulls testicles for dinner, but the waiter tells him that only one bull a day is brought to the restaurant, but he can have it tommorrow.
The diner agrees.
The next day the diner goes to the restaurant, and orders the testicle dish.
When his food is brought out, he notices that the meatballs are extremely small.
He mentions this to the waiter, and the waiter replies: "Well sir you have to understand, sometimes the bull wins".
Came out the gym the other day and cop asked me how I got that body.
I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the trunk and there she was"
Funeral jokes are the best - they never die...
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Why did the little girl fall off of her bike?
Because she didn't have any arms.
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Q: What's the difference between Jesus Christ and a painting of Jesus Christ?
A: It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
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