Joke #5153

What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ? A Pedophiles ass.

Q: When does a pedophile go to sleep? A: When the big hand touches the small one.

An old couple is at a fair an the old man sees a helicopter ride for $50. The old man asks his wife, "I don't have much time left. Can I take I ride in one of them helicopters?" His wife responds, "Oh well that's way too expensive." The man running the helicopter rides as a pilot hears their conversation and makes them a deal. "Hey, I'll take you on a ride for free, but you can't make one sound. If you do, then you have to pay $50." says the pilot. The couple climbs in the helicopter. The pilot takes off and does awesome tricks with the helicopter. The couple never made a sound. The pilot lands the helicopter and says, "Wow, impressive, usually people make so much noise on these rides." The old man says, "Well, I almost made a noise when my wife fell out of the helicopter, but these rides are too expensive."

Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"

The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, man starts unzipping.

Q: Why did cow cross road? A: To find to the udder side.

Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment. "I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks." "But I could be dead by then!" "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."

Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead. I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.

How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor.

Q: Whats worse then a barrel of dead babies? A: There is one at the bottom that is still alive. Q: Whats worse then that? A: He has to eat his way out. Q: Whats worse then that? A: He goes back for more.

Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'? Because black people have no rights...