I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.
Patient: "Are you sure that you can do this operation safely?" Doctor: "That is what I want to find out myself."
Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner? So they can take bubble baths.
What's brown and gurgles? A baby in a casserole.
I have to be honest, I am English myself but some of the American jokes on this site just completely ruin it for me. I mean, what the shit happened on the ninth of November anyway?
What's black and red, wears high top Reeboks and cant go through a revolving door? A nigger with a spear through his head.
How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf? He became a vegetarian.
My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.
Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you’re in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy says, "I’d like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I’d like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I’d like to hear them say…… look at him, he's moving!"
What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion. You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.
Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"