Joke #2845

I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.
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has 59.05 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: black humor

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There's some soldiers in Vietnam. And they've been pinned down in their trench for days. Finally one guy says,"Fuck this I really have to pee guys. Lay down covering fire, i'll run into the bushes. When I'm done I'll give a signal and you can give me covering fire while i run back." So they lay down fire, and he runs off into the jungle. But he's gone for a good half an hour, they're finally convinced that he's been murdered by Charlie when they hear the signal. So they lay down fire and he sprints out of the jungle and leaps back into the trench. So obviously they're pretty confused. They ask "what the hell took you so long man?" The guy says, "well i was just finishing up my business, when I met this beautiful Vietnamese girl, and we just started having sex right there. we did every position imaginable, missionary, doggy style, everything. It was great." One of his buddies asks "Well did you get any head?" He replies "There was no head."
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What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
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Whats the difference between a jew camp and a summer camp? The kids come back.
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Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside. "Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade." "Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."
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Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."
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has 77.97 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: black humor, doctor, health
So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob. "Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work." "Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday." So I call him on his cell. "What gives, bro,?" I ask. "Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes." I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer." "Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."
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has 64.09 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, friendship, time, work
A man goes to the doctor and says "I need birth control for my 10 year old daughter" The doctor replies "She's 10 years old and sexually active?" The man says" Active? Hell no! Most of the time se just lies there and cries."
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has 36.53 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, doctor, sex
Why is there always hot water at childbirth? In case of a stillbirth, soup.
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Q: What does FUBU really stand for? A: Farmers used to buy us.
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has 28.23 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: black humor