I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.
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Q: What was Hitler's favorite toy as a kid?
A: An Easy-Bake Oven.
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Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket?
A: Is that you coughin'?
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Why do orphans like playing tennis?
Because it's the only love they get.
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Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside.
"Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."
"Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."
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Q: How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
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Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a balanced meal.
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What do an airport and a illegal abortion have in common?
The Hanger.
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I just ended a long-term relationship today.
I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.
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What's funnier than cancer?
Most things, really.
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