I wish I could see things from your point of view, unfortunately I can't stick my head that far up my ass.
Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews? A: Santa comes down the chimney.
A priests asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?" "Yes," replies the murderer. "Can you please hold my hand?"
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall? Art.
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
Q: What's the best thing about ISIS jokes? A: The execution.
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas? A: Cancer.
What's red and dances all around? A baby on a barbecue
Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? A. They both live off dead Beatles.
Q: Why did Hitler kill himself? A: He saw his gas bill.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers". She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?" To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."